


Missing Your Face

by xavierching



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, Friendship, Gen, Getting Back Together, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Post-Break Up, Praise Kink, Romance, Slow Build, Slow To Update, Smut, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-02-26 05:48:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13229322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xavierching/pseuds/xavierching
Summary: — A Markjinbum love triangle story —Mark is a sought after model notorious for dating rumours. His playboy facade conceals a heart broken by GOT’s leader, Jaebum. Jinyoung wants to heal him with his love and Mark begins to fall for the actor. Just as things look up, Jaebum suddenly returns to Mark’s life with a public confession. How will Mark choose -The man whom he cannot forget? Or the man who can make him forget?





	1. Really I Loved You

_‘Jae, 2018 will come in a minute! How do you feel about that?’ YoungK asked excitedly. Brian’s enthusiasm had never failed to make Mark smile, except this time._  
_‘I’m thrilled since you promise me chicken burger to celebrate the New Year,’ Jae replied as-a-matter-of-factly._  
_YoungK was apparently beat by Jae’s heartfelt reply but carried on with the countdown with laughter, ‘2018 will come in ten! Nine! Eigh—’_

Not even his friends from DAY6 could get him through the countdown. Even though Mark had turned off the TV, he could still hear people cheering and drivers honking on the street. Perhaps he should sleep through the New Year Eve next year. Then he could avoid all the joyous sentiments and lovey-dovey promotions and stuff.

He used to love New Year so much. Until Im Jaebum happened. 

The vodka bottle was almost empty. But he could not bear the thought of being exposed to the festive atmosphere for a five-minute walk to the nearest convenience store.

Im Jaebum ruined him. 

_Ding dong._

Mark did not move an inch from his sofa. His close friends like Bambam, Peniel and Amber would know better than to surprise Mark on a New Year Eve. Minjun-hyung was at a New Year concert. YoungK and Jae had their own date. Jimin was for sure hired to host some New Year event. 

Which meant the visitor would probably be one of his sex friends.

_Ding dong._

Mark must say that he was annoyed. He had rejected all dates on New Year Eve and New Year Day. He just wanted to be alone and away from the world. He didn't want them to see him in that absurd state or to probe into his past. 

_Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong._

‘Annoying son of a bitch,’ Mark cussed and opened the door.  
Jinyoung smiled innocently, holding a bottle of Absolut Vodka, ‘but I refill your stock right?’  
Mark wanted so badly to just snatch the alcohol and slammed the door into Jinyoung’s face. But that would be terribly rude. Jinyoung was one hell of a manipulator. 

Mark watched as Jinyoung untied his shoelaces at the entrance. Jinyoung must have rushed back from the premier of his latest film. He was still in a dress shirt and a pair of dress shoes. If it were any other day, Mark would have appreciated the gesture. 

‘You should attend the after party,’ Mark said as he poured vodka into two glasses, ‘at JYP PD-nim’s villa right?’  
‘I miss you,’ Jinyoung whispered at Mark’s ear whilst back hugging the older, ‘JYP PD-nim said he would forgive my absence if I’m coming to you.’  
Mark sighed in exhaustion, ‘Jinyoungie, I’m not in the mood tonight. You should go after finishing this glass.’

Jinyoung’s arms tightened around his waist and kissed the sensitive point behind Mark’s ear, ‘you always refuse to see me on New Year Eve and New Year Day. Why is that?’ licked it, ‘are you waiting for Jun.K-hyung?’ sucked it, ‘or Taehyung?’  
‘No,’ Mark tried to push away Jinyoung but the younger played dirty and nibbled on his earlobe. His voice came out as feeble as his body was, ‘I just don’t want to see anyone tonight.’  
Still displeased with Mark’s answer, Jinyoung bit Mark’s neck a little too harshly, 'how about the previous New Year Eve? Were you in bed with Minhyuk-hyung all night?’  
‘No,’ Mark denied breathily. He could not help but writhe against Jinyoung’s ministrations under his loose sweatshirt, ‘I never see anyone on New Year Eve. Or New Year Day.’  
‘Is it because of him? The bastard from four years ago?’ Jinyoung spat through gritted teeth, without pausing the circular motion on Mark’s nipple.  
‘We’ve been through this, Jinyoungie. I don’t want to talk about him. I don’t want to think of him.’

Tears trickling down his face made Mark chuckle. It was ridiculous that he failed his New Year Resolution ten minutes into 2018. He swore to himself that the least he could attempt that year was to not cry because of Im Jabeum. 

Jinyoung turned Mark around. As Mark attempted to hide himself, Jinyoung tilted his face up. The sight made his heart break a little. Both because the one he loved was crying and because said person was crying for another man. 

‘Then think only of me.’

 

Jinyoung kissed Mark aggressively until the older’s back hit the kitchen island. All he wanted to do was to claim and possess Mark. As he deepened the kiss, Mark pulled him closer with his dress shirt and responded to the younger with growing fervour. He tried to unbutton Jinyoung’s dress shirt with unsteady hands.

When Jinyoung lifted him off the floor, Mark automatically wrapped his limbs around the younger’s body. Though the living room was not far from Mark’s bedroom, the journey was hard for Jinyoung as the older pressed wet kisses along his ear, jawline to neck. 

Jinyoung threw Mark onto the bed. He impatiently took off everything on Mark before tending to his own clothes. He wanted to feel Mark’s soft skin against him and mark every inch of his ivory skin. 

‘I want you to think only about me and no one else,’ Jinyoung growled precariously as he sucked bruises on Mark’s slender neck, ‘I want to be with you all the time so that no one can hurt you. I want to mark you so that everyone will know you are mine.’  
Mark whimpered, at the pleasurable pain or the confession he was not sure. His grip on Jinyoung’s muscular bicep tightened.  
‘I’ll give you the world because you deserve it. You deserve everything, Mark,’ Jinyoung’s sonorous voice reverberated at Mark’s ears.  
Mark could not help but moan at those words. He could feel the warmth growing at his groin.  
‘Does it turn you on?’ Jinyoung panted against the crook of Mark’s neck.  
Mark shuddered at the tingle from Jinyoung’s breath, ‘I don’t have a praise kink if that’s what you’re asking.’

Jinyoung pulled away to admire his handiwork. There were bruises of various shades on Mark’s slender neck, ‘you look amazing with my marks.’  
Mark subconsciously dug his nails into Jinyoung.  
Jinyoung smirked, ‘see? Your reaction suggests otherwise.’  
‘I think it’s just you,’ Mark faltered as Jinyoung’s mouth moved to his collarbone.  
Both of them were taken aback by the honest answer, ‘what do you mean?’  
‘I think I’m only turned on because you’re the one praising me.’  
‘Damn, you’re going to be the death of me.’

Jinyoung licked and tugged on Mark’s nipples fervently. He was over the moon because the older never so bluntly admitted the influence Jinyoung had over him. He wanted Mark to feel loved and cherished. He wanted Mark to understand that what made his praises different was that his words were heartfelt and honest. 

Jinyoung took Mark’s cock in his right hand. It was wet with precum. He smeared some onto his palm and began pumping it. His left hand kneaded Mark’s plump butt none too gently. Mark writhed under Jinyoung’s expert ministrations.

All he could think about were Jinyoung’s mouth, Jinyoung’s hands and Jinyoung’s voice. He wanted to melt into Jinyoung’s body. Jinyoung had always been different. Jinyoung had always made him _feel differently._

Jinyoung decided to put his mouth into use. To tease Mark a bit, he licked circularly on the tip of the shaft. The older immediately whined and wriggled. Jinyoung thought he could be nice and give into Mark’s wish that night. He bobbed his head up and down earnestly, and sucked hard at the tip of the shaft. 

‘Jinyoung, shit,’ Mark gasped as Jinyoung pressed his thighs into the mattress to prevent the older from gagging him, ‘Jinyoung, I need you inside of me now.’  
Jinyoung smirked and leaned in to kiss Mark full in the mouth, ‘you taste good, don’t you think?’  
Mark attempted to glare at him but his eyes were all hazy with want.

Jinyoung retrieved lube and condom from the nightstand. He poured some lube onto his fingers. No matter how many times Jinyoung and Mark had had sex, he always felt the need to treat Mark delicately at preparation. He started scissoring Mark with two fingers. 

It seemed that Mark was particularly tight that day. And Jinyoung could not help but feel glad that Mark probably did not see any of his competitors recently. Soon, he added a third finger. He located Mark’s prostate rather quickly and attacked the spot fervently.

‘Shit,’ Mark cussed under his breath, ‘Jinyoung if you — if you don’t get inside of me now, I’m gonna come.’  
Jinyoung instantly reached for the condom but was stopped by Mark’s hand. Confused, he looked at the older for an explanation.  
Mark bit his lip and replied sheepishly, ‘I want you to come inside of me.’  
Jinyoung looked at Mark incredulously. What the fuck. Mark. Who always insisted on protection. Telling him to come in him.  
‘It’s alright if you prefer using a condom,’ Mark quickly offered and reached for the package.  
Jinyoung manhandled the older into a comfortable position and aligned his cock with Mark, ’dammit Mark. You’ll kill me someday.’

Jinyoung entered Mark, slowly pushing all of his length in. All the while, Mark was panting and moaning at the long awaited friction.  
‘Damn, you’re so good for me, baby,’ Jinyoung groaned, ‘so hot, so tight.’  
Mark trembled at the praise. He looked at Jinyoung through dreamy eyes and pleaded, ‘Jinyoung, please take me hard.’

Jinyoung thrust into Mark at a furious pace. The bed creaked, making everything sound so erotic. The pair kissed and grabbed each other sloppily. Mark was so far gone that he kept chanting Jinyoung’s name. 

‘You’re so beautiful like this, sweats glistening on your forehead, eyes all shut. Calling my name as if your life depends on me.’  
‘Shit, Jinyoung. Jinyoung.’  
Jinyoung pressed a wet kiss on Mark’s neck, ‘you’re taking me so well, baby.’

Jinyoung kept attacking Mark’s prostate with uncanny accuracy. Mark was rendered into an incoherent mess. There was nothing on his mind, except Jinyoung. He held onto the younger tightly, probably leaving a couple of scratch marks behind. 

‘Shit, Jinyoung. I think I’m gonna come just on your cock.’

Jinyoung pound into Mark with no reservation. All desire, lust, possessiveness and fury unleashed. He knew Mark was close as the older clenched around him tightly, ‘since you’re such a good boy, I’m gonna fill you with my cum.’  
Mark nodded fervently, ’yes please, Jinyoung.’

With a few thrusts, Jinyoung came inside Mark, sending a surge of warmth into the older. The sensation pushed Mark over the verge and he came with a strangled cry. The climax was unprecedentedly intense. He spasmed through the long wave of pleasure.

 

After showering, Jinyoung threw on a random sweatshirt from Mark’s wardrobe and made a beeline out of the bedroom. Mark was exhausted so he lazed around in bed. 

Now that he was back in his right mind, Mark could not help but recap and scrutinise what just happened. 

He could not believe he had broken the last rule he set for himself. Again because of Jinyoung. He had allowed Jinyoung to leave visible marks again. He had chanted Jinyoung’s name again. He had spoken his mind honestly again. Just then, he allowed Jinyoung not to use a condom. 

That was bad, really bad. Mark ran his hands through his hair and shook his head like a puppy out of shower. Over the past two months, whenever he was in bed with Taehyung, Minhyuk, or even Minjun-hyung, he thought only of Jinyoung. He even accidentally called Minhyuk Jinyoung. The thought scared him so much that he retreated into his shell and ended up declining all meetups with his sex friends. And besides, he considered it a major disrespect to his partners to think of another person while banging them. 

Now, as Jinyoung wandered off to god knew where in his apartment, Mark felt an emptiness within him. He wanted Jinyoung to press chaste kisses on his forehead. He wanted Jinyoung to cuddle him. He wanted Jinyoung to mumble sweet nothings into his ears. 

Worst of all, he hoped that Jinyoung would stay the night. With him. On his bed. 

‘I hope you’re thinking about me,’ Jinyoung smiled, holding two steaming mugs.  
Mark received the mug from Jinyoung. It was hot chocolate, with loads of milk and a spoonful of cinnamon. Just the way he liked it.  
‘Sorry I take so long but you run out of hot water,’ Jinyoung grimaced as he sat next to Mark. 

Mark stared into the mug of hot chocolate. He had never told Jinyoung how he liked his chocolate. But he observed and remembered such a trivial detail. Jaebum did not even remember his birthday even after repeating countless times. Mark did not know what to do with the tears welling in his eyes. 

For once he just wanted to be selfish and accept the love he did not deserve. He was exhausted. From missing Im Jaebum, trying to forget Im Jaebum, avoiding anything which reminded him of Im Jaebum. 

He wanted a new beginning. 

Jinyoung pulled Mark into his embrace and cooed, ‘I won’t let anyone hurt you again.’  
Mark sobbed, burying his head at Jinyoung’s chest, ‘Jinyoungie, I’m a terrible person. I don’t deserve your kindness.’  
Jinyoung caressed his hair, ‘Mark, you deserve everything from me. You’re sweet, caring and gentle. You always ask about my work and my health. You are there when I’m unhappy. You calm me down when I want to yell my head off. It’s for me to decide whether you deserve my kindness. And I can tell you, yes, you deserve my kindness, my love and my dedication.’  
Mark shook his head, ’you deserve someone better — someone who loves you wholeheartedly.’

‘I dunno what exactly happened four years ago but that bastard obviously hurt you to the bone,’ Jinyoung’s knuckles whitened at the thought, ‘I won’t so naively believe that you can get over him overnight. All I ask of you is to let me nurse your broken heart. Let me take away all the sadness,’ he enveloped Mark’s cold hands into his warm ones, ‘just let me love you.’

Tears fell uncontrollably down Mark’s cheeks. He was crying so hard that he felt a bit lightheaded. No one had ever made him feel that way — so protected, so cherished, so _loved._ Jinyoung had always held a special influence over him. He made Mark voice out words he thought he had no courage to say.

‘I think I’m falling for you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a hard time writing the smut for this chapter. Really have to practice more. Haven't started working on the next chapter but preliminarily I think it'll be New Year Eve from JB's POV.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Comments are very much appreciated.
> 
> (Chapter title from DAY6's 'I Loved You')


	2. Only Need You In My Life

‘Great work as usual, GOT!’ PD-nim clapped, ‘look forward to your performance!’

GOT just finished rehearsing for the New Year Concert. The group recently released a new album with title track ‘Face’. The song went viral as soon as it was broadcast on their YouTube channel. There were a number of reasons for its unprecedented success. 

First and foremost, the song really moved listeners’ hearts with emotive melody and heartfelt lyrics. Second, GOT’s leader, Im Jaebum, wrote everything, from melody, lyrics to arrangement. Third, fans and fans-to-be were really curious about Jaebum’s personal backstory behind the song.

Reporters had grilled members of GOT over the mystery. At a magazine interview, Jackson said that JB really poured his heart into the song. He hoped that fans would support them no matter what happened. Yugyeom replied in a backstage interview that ‘Face’ meant a lot to GOT, particularly JB. On his way to a music show, Youngjae told reporters that members had actually considered making ‘Face’ a solo song for JB because the backstory was so personal. 

And then one day, JB dropped the bomb, ‘you guys will know everything at the New Year Concert.’

 

When GOT returned to the dressing room, their BTS friends were recording a backstage interview.

‘– of course I want to do Celebrity Bromance with Markeu,’ said Taehyung. 

Jaebum’s heart lurched at how intimately Taehyung addressed Mark. Without realising, Jaebum paused in his steps, causing Yugyeom to collide into him. The maknae threw his leader a sympathetic look as he knew Mark used to allow only Jaebum to call him Markeu.

‘Markeu as in the model Mark Tuan?’ the MC clarified.  
‘Yes, we occasionally text each other,’ Taehyung confessed.  
Jungkook was scandalised, ‘Tae, how’s “every day” the same as “occasionally”?’

Jaebum’s chin jutted unnaturally. It seemed that what Yugyeom’s friend Bambam said was true. Mark was quite friendly with Taehyung.

‘Really?’ the MC exclaimed with wide eyes, ‘what do you guys talk about?’  
‘I ask what he’s doing. And send him puppy videos.’  
‘Can you be a bit more romantic?’ Jungkook butt in again.  
Taehyung smacked his head, ‘yah! Shut up Kookie!’  
‘Can you tell us how you met Mark?’

Taehyung recollected animatedly, ‘well we did a photoshoot together some time ago. I remember when I walked into the studio, Markeu looked up from his phone and smiled at me. I was like wow. What. the. heck. That boy was absolutely stunning, like an angel. I tried to initiate a conversation and I kinda forced Markeu to grab dinner with me after the shoot.’

Jaebum’s face hardened as his mind unhelpfully conjured up how Mark smiled shyly at Taehyung. And it certainly did not help that Taehyung kept calling Markeu. Jaebum could feel jealousy and insecurities bubbling within him.

‘Are you two a fling?’ Jungkook asked cheekily.  
Jin reprimanded, ‘that’s too far, Koo—’

Suddenly, someone just dragged Jaebum away by his forearm. It was Jackson. As they walked briskly along the hallway, Jackson chastised in hush, ‘you should focus on tonight and not be distracted by Taehyung. Tsk, I mean Taehyung is inherently flirty.’

 

Afterwards, makeup noonas and stylist noonas started their work whilst the boys scrolled through SNS idly. They ate their bentos in relative silence, except when Jackson and Yugyeom stole each others’ food and started messing around. They watched performances of other artists and cheered for BTS. 

‘GOT, fifteen minutes to the show. Thank you,’ the stage manager announced.

Junkook peeked into GOT’s dressing room and said to Yugyeom, ‘I can’t wait for you guys’ performance!’  
‘We’re waiting for the big revelation, JB-ssi,’ Jimin grinned at JB.  
JB was caught by surprise so he returned a nervous smile, ‘right, thanks.’

As soon as Junkook and Jimin left, Jaebum strode into the washroom and slumped against the door. He had not felt that nervous after the debut performance. The revelation might ruin GOT without yielding anything. It had already been four years and everything had changed. 

Mark was now the most popular model in Asia. He had met different people. Hell, even Taehyung was drooling over him. He had seen how large the world actually was. He had dreams bigger than to just stand on the same stage with Jaebum. Besides, why would Mark give a prick a second chance when said prick had thrown away the first?

‘I know what you’re thinking, Im Jaebum,’ Jackson chastised through the door, ‘but you’re not chickening out. You’ve been waiting for this day. And you know this is not just about you.’  
‘Jaebum-hyung,’ Youngjae said gently, ‘everything will be alright. We’re doing this together.’  
‘Ne, hyung,’ Jaebum could hear the worry in Yugyeom’s voice, ‘no matter what happens tonight, we still have each other.’

Jaebum looked at his reflection in the mirror. Eyes with rekindled conviction gazed back at him. That’s right. He was not alone in this. His dongsaengs supported him. 

‘Sorry for worr — ooph —’ Jaebum found himself engulfed by Jackson, Youngjae and Yugyeom as soon as he opened the door.

‘C’mon, let’s do our cheer,’ Jackson suggested and everyone put their hands together.  
Jaebum started, ‘for our future —’  
‘— and getting back Mark-hyung,’ Yugyeom added and exchanged a meaningful look with Youngjae.

‘GOT, jjai!’

 

Jaebum could hear the fans screaming GOT. GOT’s lightsticks glowed in pitch darkness. Jaebum’s heart was racing and his palms sweating. When the first note of the background music reverberated in the hall, the audience went silent. The atmosphere was so different from other performances. It felt somewhat reverent, as if the audience was praying for Jaebum’s success too. 

Jackson started with his husky voice, ‘you, in this recent period of time. No, it’s actually been longer.’  
‘When I’m not by your side, I’m curious how you’re doing,’ Youngjae entered smoothly.  
‘It’s me who didn’t know you suffered that much back then you gotta know,’ Yugyeom sang with equal tenderness.

Jaebum took a deep breath and confessed to the world how he didn’t treat Mark the way he deserved. He had not been there when Mark struggled with training. He had not been there when Mark missed home. He had not been there when Mark was sick. He had failed Mark, ‘only till now do I understand that I hadn’t done much for you.’

But no matter what, Jaebum still wanted to tell Mark that he had never stopped loving him. That he would do anything to return to his embrace again, ‘hey if I can still make it, hey tell me what I gotta do. Beside me, your silhouette will always be present.’

Youngjae thought Mark should know how much Jaebum pined after him, ‘I’m missing your face. Missing your face. Missing your loving eyes and the tenderness when you kiss me.’

‘I’m missing your face. How I want to piece back all the memories. Come back, remember, like the promises from the very beginning, last forever.’

Jaebum’s heart was aching because he missed Mark so damn much. Fragments of their past flashed back. Of meeting those doe-like eyes the first time, of stealing pecks on Mark’s soft lips, of having the older in his arms, of the teary eyes gazing into his the last time. He was the one to break the promise. He was the one to push Mark away. He brought everything to himself. 

‘Love like returning to the old times,’ Jackson supplemented.  
‘We can last forever,’ Jaebum said more to himself than to Mark. He must have faith that he would get back with Mark. He must have the conviction before he could convince Mark.  
‘Ain’t nobody gonna stop us because I love you,’ Yugyeom added.  
‘We can last forever.’

The music break allowed GOT to stay put. They were all thinking about Mark. How Mark should have been on the stage. Singing. With them.

Jaebum knew it was selfish to throw Mark off four years after their break up. But if what Bambam, YoungK and Jimin said were true, Mark never really moved on. Perhaps it was his final chance to make things right, ‘alright, I know that I’m saying selfish words that will make you cry. But if possible, really, if possible, you feel the same way as me, tell me so I can hear it.’

The sincerity and desperation in Jaebum’s voice moved Youngjae, who carried on emotionally, ‘I’m missing your face. Missing your face. Missing your loving eyes and the tenderness when you kiss me.’

Jaebum felt as though he had bared his heart to the world. He sang it loud and clear that he had been and still was in love with Mark, ‘I’m missing your face. How I want to piece back all the memories. Come back, remember, like the promises from the very beginning, last forever.’

‘Love like returning to the old times,’ Jackson’s husky voice reminded.  
‘We can last forever,’ Jaebum reiterated.  
‘Ain’t nobody gonna stop us because I love you,’ Yugyeom added.  
‘We can last forever.’  
‘If you’re still willing to believe me,’ Yugyeom sang.  
‘We can last forever.’  
‘If there’s still a chance to start over,’ Jackson supplemented.

‘We can last forever.’

Jaebum’s chest heaved rapidly as the last note faded into thin air.

Thunders of claps and whistles erupted. And audience shouted Jaebum’s and members’ names. GOT exchanged meaningful glances. They felt slightly relieved. Audience’s support would be significant to how people received the upcoming revelation. 

 

‘A powerful and emotional performance from GOT!’ the MC Mr Min said with excitement.  
Jaebum prompted, ‘come and get it, GOT.’  
‘Annyeonghaseyo GOT imnida,’ GOT shouted in unison.

‘I’m sure viewers are dying for the big revelation of “Face” backstory,’ Mr Min began, ‘now, please tell us your story, JB-ssi.’

Jaebum had rehearsed the speech countless times but the moment of truth still unsettled him. Although the audience was still cheering and waving their lightsticks, his palms remained cold and sweaty. His members must have picked up on his fidgety state. Because Youngjae squeezed his hand. Jackson and the maknae flashed him a small smile. 

‘Um, sorry if I fumble with my words,’ Jaebum paused and scanned across the hall. He swallowed the lump in his throat and continued, ‘what I’m going to say is astounding and maybe disappointing to some. So I apologise in advance.’

As the audience sensed the seriousness in Jaebum’s voice, the hall began to quiet down and the movements of lightsticks halted. 

Jaebum opened his mouth but no sound came out. He braced himself for the shock of the night, ‘today four years ago, I broke up with the love of my life.'

Gasps and murmurs spread across the hall like molten lava. Though Jaebum had anticipated that, the actual happening still struck him.

‘I once promised him that we would face the world together. But we never did. Because I broke up with him even before someone from the company could find out.

‘He had been with me throughout the trainee years. When I was tired out from dance practice, he would massage my legs. When I was stuck with composing, he would accompany me to Han River and just sit with me until inspiration returned. When I was about to give up, he would kiss me and tell me it’s gonna be fine. Without him, I couldn’t have made it to debut.

‘I did nothing but hurt him over and over again. I didn’t know he was homesick and cried every night until a sunbae told me. I didn’t know he’s hospitalised until a sunbae confronted me in the studio. I didn’t know I made him feel insecure and unworthy until a sunbae fought with me about that. When I realised I had never been there for him, I already lost that chance.’

Jaebum paused to steady his voice. He could hear ‘awww’ from the audience. And some fans shouted ‘don’t cry JB’. 

He lowered his head as soon as he noticed his close-up shot on the big screen. He did not want everyone to see his eyes shimmer with unshed tears. Yugyeom and Jackson patted his back and their hands lingered a little longer than usual. Youngjae prompted softly, ‘you can do it, Jaebum-hyung.’

Jaebum looked up with his teary eyes and took a deep breath, ‘I know I’ve been a self-centred jerk who doesn’t deserve your love. But allow me to be selfish one last time. 

‘I love you, Mark. Will you give me a second chance in this new year?’

Jaebum could no longer control his tears. He turned away from the audience only to find Yugyeom sniffling on Youngjae’s shoulder. Jackson welcomed him with open arms and smiled softly, ‘as Mark’s once best friend, I say I approve.’ 

The audience clapped and began to rise for Jaebum’s heartfelt confession. Some girls burst into tears because of Jaebum’s deep love for Mark. Jaebum could hear someone shout ‘Mark will love you back’. Some fans yelled ‘we support you JB’. 

Warmth spread across Jaebum’s body. He never thought that people would be supportive of his confession. Feeling blessed to have such loving fans, Jaebum bowed deeply to show his gratefulness. 

 

‘I’m sure viewers are moved by JB’s romantic confession,’ Mr Min reappeared on the stage, ‘now let’s invite all artists to the stage and start the New Year countdown.’

Other artists entered the stage from two sides. BTS occupied the spot next to GOT. Jungkook beamed at Yugyeom and Jackson started talking to RM. 

Jin squeezed on Jaebum’s hand, ‘never consider you as the romantic type, JB-ssi.’  
Jaebum returned a faint smile, ‘no I’m not.’  
‘There’s nothing romantic about heartbreakers,’ Taehyung remarked pointedly and glared at Jaebum.

‘It’s almost New Year!’ 

Mr Min’s shout reminded Jaebum that they should continue the conversation after the show. He looked away from Taehyung and calmed the green monster inside his chest. 

‘— Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy new year!’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the best chapter development in my opinion. It's been a fluffy chapter with heavy doses of platonic GOT7 friendship as well as GOT Bangtan interactions. Honestly, I'm not familiar with BTS. I tried my best to research on them. Mark/Taehyung sounds like an interesting pair. Hope to include more of their interactions in future chapter. 
> 
> Taehyung's interview is adapted from Mark's appearance in Celebrity Bromance (160506). And the translated Chinese lyrics of 'Face' is from [this video](www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQQ1rNiY-34), with slight changes. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and comments are very much appreciated.
> 
> (Chapter title from GOT7's 'Face')


	3. When You Love Someone

‘Ne, everyone, the New Year Concert just ended. And Jaebum-hyung has finally confessed,’ Jackson said to the self-cam with a satisfied smile, ‘Tuan Yien, if you’re watching this, you’d better come to us right now because Gaga is asking you to.’

Yugyeom squeezed into the camera and added, ‘ahgases, I hope you’ll support Jaebum-hyung. We all miss Mark-hyung —’

An intense presence shut Yugyeom up in the middle of the sentence. The maknae stared into Taehyung’s back as the BTS member followed Jaebum into the backstage.

‘You’ve had your chance,’ Taehyung snapped at the older as soon as they entered the dressing room, ‘and you fucked up. You have no right to butt in again.’  
‘This is none of your business, V.’  
Taehyung looked at Jaebum incredulously, ‘of course it is. I like him.’  
‘I love him.’ 

‘– hyung, wait!’ Jaebum could hear Youngjae call out anxiously outside.  
‘Gyeomie, go with him,’ Jackson instructed.  
‘Ne!’

 

‘I told you to stay away from him.’

Someone barged in and forced Jaebum to retreat until his back hit a wall. One hand grabbed his collar and the other was flying towards his face. Jaebum was too shocked to react to the furious outburst directed at him. He reflexively closed his eyes and readied himself to take the punch.

‘I told you to stay away from him! Motherfucker!’ a familiar voice shouted. 

Jaebum slowly opened his eyes. The fist hovered an inch away from his face. Jun.K stared at him intensely and his chest heaved at his reckless act. Yugyeom and Jackson immediately pulled him away while Youngjae fret over Jaebum. Taehyung was dumbfounded at the turn of the event. 

Jun.K shook Yugyeom’s hand away, ‘what the fuck do you think you’re doing? You think that’s romantic? You think that’s brave? Huh? You’ll just kill Mark again and jeopardise his career.’

Jaebum felt anger flaring up, ‘I know I’ve hurt him. But at least I have the courage to confess again. To try to make things right. You don’t even have the balls to tell him how you feel, coward.’

Jun.K wanted to charge at Jaebum again but Yugyeom and Jackson prevented him from doing so.

‘Calm down everyone,’ Jackson interfered and stood between his hyungs, ‘no one wants to hurt Mark. And stop insulting each other. Just talk this out like an adult alright?’

Jackson’s words seemed to knock some sense into Jaebum and Jun.K. Even though they were still glaring at each other, they stepped away and their bodies visibly relaxed. 

‘I understand that Jaebum is your leader and your good friend,’ Jun.K said to Jackson agitatedly, ‘but Jackson-ah, Mark is your best friend. You can’t let Jaebum destroy him again.

‘Jaebum dumped him on that New Year Eve. It rained heavily but Mark didn’t have an umbrella. He walked all the way from Han River to my place. When I opened the door, he was all soaked and shivering. He just stood there and stared at me with red puffy eyes. I kept asking him what’s wrong but he wouldn’t utter a word. He just cried and cried and cried until he fell asleep. But soon he had a nightmare and kept begging Jaebum not to abandon him. 

‘Mark was crying because of him even in his dreams. Do you think that I can forget how he hurt Mark? Do you honestly think that it’s fair for Jaebum to waltz in as if nothing’s happened? 

Jackson tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He never knew what Mark had been through. Because all he knew was his best friend somehow disappeared after his five-day trip back to Hong Kong. It hurt to learn about Mark’s suffering. And it hurt even more that he couldn’t support Mark when he most needed a best friend. 

Jun.K gazed at Jaebum and said, ‘regardless of who Mark decides to be with, be it V, Jinyoung or Minhyuk, I’ll support him as long as it isn’t Im Jaebum.’

 

Sunrays of the New Year morning attacked Bambam’s eyes. The Thai model wanted to yell for being woken up but remembered he was on a plane. Thank god it was 8am. The plane would land in 30 minutes. Perhaps because he was stuck in the airport on the New Year Eve, Bambam felt extra restless that flight. 

He wondered if Mark and Jinyoung spent the night together. Although Mark did not admit his feelings for Jinyoung, Bambam simply knew that his favourite hyung was falling in love. He prayed that Jinyoung could liberate Mark from his past and mend his shattered heart. Someone as kind as Mark deserved to be loved and cherished. 

Bambam was grateful that the airport was not as busy as he had expected. He could not wait to return home and just sleep until the next New Year came. 

‘Morning Minho-hyung,’ Bambam greeted as he climbed into the company car, ‘thanks for picking me up on your holiday.’  
‘Not a problem, Bambam-ssi,’ the driver replied pleasantly, ‘I hope your photoshoot in Bangkok went smoothly.’  
‘It’s so fun! I’ve never had a shoot with a puppy before. Oh, can you turn up the radio please? I think it’s Yugyeom’s new song.’

_I’m missing your face._  
_How I want to piece back all the memories._  
_Come back, remember, like the promises from the very beginning, last forever._

_Love like returning to the old times._  
_We can last forever._  
_Ain’t nobody gonna stop us because I love you._  
_We can last forever._  
_If you’re still willing to believe me._  
_We can last forever._  
_If there’s still a chance to start over._

_We can last forever._

‘Oh, I missed the beginning,’ Bambam pouted. 

_‘I’m having goosebumps right now,’ said Hongki._  
_‘Ne, especially after last night,’ Joonshin replied._  
_‘Now I understand why GOT’s “Face” is lit. There’s simply so much love and sincerity in it.’_  
_‘For those who didn’t watch TV last night, GOT’s leader JB performed this song at the New Year Concert. Afterwards, he revealed the story of “Face” as promised. And he declared his love for Mark Tuan in front of thousands of audience.’_

‘What the actual fuck!’ Bambam cursed, ‘has he even met Mark-hyung?’

_‘I know you’re like “are you serious?” But yes, Jackson confirmed that the Mark JB refers to is Tuan Yien. And guess what, Mark is probably a former trainee at Studio J before switching to JYP Modelling.’_  
_‘Groundbreaking news indeed, Hongki-ssi. That’s why they’re all over SNS and newspapers.’_

Bambam immediately searched on his phone. 

“JB confesses to Mark Tuan” ranked no.1 on Naver search. Billboard News made a tagline “GOT’s JB: I love you, Mark. Will you give me a second chance?”. Hashtags #markbum #marktuan and #gotjb were trending on Twitter and Instagram. The confession video also reached a million views on YouTube. 

‘Oh my god. This is mental.’

His palms were sweating as he scrolled through hundreds of comments. Apparently, many ahgases and Mark’s fans supported the Markbum ship. Nonetheless there was a group of haters antagonising Mark. 

“Peniel, Bambam, YoungK, Jae, Minhyuk, Eric, Eunwoo. Now JB. What’s your problem, Mark Tuan?”  
“Get the fuck back to LA.”  
“I bet he has been fucked by the entire industry.”  
“Go die Mark Tuan.”  
“He’s a fuckboy for sure.”  
“Mark Tuan is a slut. I lose count of his men.”

‘Shit.’

Bambam ran his hand through his newly dyed hair. Those antis surely went all out. He was sure if Peniel was with them, he’d panick too. But without Peniel, Bambam was like a lost lamb. Although people seemed supportive at the moment, things might go downhill the next second. And then he felt so angry about the entire situation. His Mark-hyung did not do anything to JB. JB did something to Mark for god’s sake. How could people blame Mark? And then there’s Yugyeom. Did he know Mark-hyung? Why didn’t he say anything when he talked about Mark’s terrible heartbreak?

Yelling at Yugyeom could wait. He should talk to Mark first. Bambam impatiently called Mark’s personal mobile. No pick up. Official mobile. No pick up. 

‘Minho-hyung, drop me off at Mark-hyung’s place.’

 

‘Park Jinyoung, you’re so savage. How many times did you take me last night?’ Mark panted as the younger sucked hickeys onto his marred neck.  
‘You know perfectly well that I have a neck fetish,’ Jinyoung muttered against Mark’s pulse point, ‘but you still bare your neck to me.’  
A moan escaped Mark’s lips when Jinyoung’s tongue travelled from his Adam’s Apple to his jawline.  
‘You can’t possibly tell me that’s not an invitation for morning sex.’  
‘I was just stretching!’ Mark protested feebly.  
Jinyoung decided to up his game with his discovery last night. 

‘You’re delectable when you stretch. Showcasing your beautiful neck,’ Jinyoung breathed at his already pink ear, ‘it reminds me of the first time I set my eyes on you. You looked absolutely ravishing with a white satin choker. Your neck was so slender and smooth, with the best alignment. When you stretched next to me, it took me all my might not to take you right there. I felt like a bloodthirsty vampire, wanting to sink my teeth into your neck so badly.’

Mark turned his back on Jinyoung, hoping to hide his lustful face. It made him breathless to know that Jinyoung still remembered what he wore at their first encounter. And the weird mix of praises and dirty talk turned him on so much. He bit his lips viciously in case whimpers leaked as uncontrollably as precum from his cock. But Mark would not let that cunning manipulator win so easily. 

Jinyoung smirked at Mark’s crumbling defences. He spooned him from behind and pressed his hardness against him, making the older shudder. Jinyoung’s hand wandered downwards to tug at the waistband of Mark’s boxers but was smacked by a smooth hand. 

‘Have I said yes to morning sex, Mr Park? I think you’re getting ahead of yourself.’  
‘But you’re not gonna say no,’ Jinyoung chuckled at the older’s unconvincing reprimand, ‘and you won’t want to say no.’

Jinyoung flipped them over so that his muscular frame towered over his lover’s lean body. His lips trailed hungrily from Mark’s lips, neck, collarbone, chest to abs. The intensity cracked Mark’s composure and elicited cries of pleasure. 

‘You’re so wet, baby,’ Jinyoung commented as he removed Mark’s underwear, ‘I love it.’

Jinyoung peppered featherlight kisses along Mark’s slender shaft before taking it into his mouth. He licked the head in tight circular motion, making the older writhe. Jinyoung bobbed his head earnestly and took care of the entire member. All the while, his hands teased Mark’s nipples and balls. 

Mark was overwhelmed by the ministrations. His left hand clawed at the mattress while the other gripped on Jinyoung’s hair. He tried not to wriggle too much but Jinyoung seemed not fazed from having a cock in his throat. 

‘Shit, Jinyoung,’ Mark panted, ‘just a bit more.’

Jinyoung released his rock-hard member with a pop.  
‘You’re so fucking mean,’ Mark whined at the sudden loss.  
Jinyoung wiped his mouth smugly, ‘I thought you don’t want morning sex.’  
‘Yah!’  
‘Tell me how much you want me.’

Mark bit his lips bashfully. It was never his strong suit to talk, particularly in bed. Jinyoung knew perfectly well that it was a bit of a challenge to his quiet hyung. But it felt so satisfying to tease him.

‘I want to make love with you every night and wake up next to you every morning. I want you to make me yours,’ Mark reeled off, ‘I’m falling in love with you. Is that enough, Park Jinyoung?’

Again, Mark’s honest answer caught Jinyoung by surprise. It ignited his urge to claim Mark immediately.

‘You have to stop provoking me, baby,’ Jinyoung growled as he stretched Mark, ‘I’ll want to claim you again and again.’  
‘I don’t mind. I want to be yours.’  
Jinyoung thought perhaps they really overdid it. Mark was still loose from the previous night, ‘should I use a condom?’  
‘No, never again,’ Mark mewled keenly and grind on Jinyoung’s long fingers.

Jinyoung took Mark from behind and allowed time for the older to adjust. The friction made the couple hiss in pleasure. When Mark began to move, Jinyoung wrapped his arms around his lover’s lean waist and thrusted at a relentless pace. Jinyoung was so familiar with Mark’s body that he found his prostate in no time. Tears formed in Mark’s eyes due to constant attacks on the sensitive point.

Mark leaned on Jinyoung and tilted his head to kiss the younger.  
‘You’re so damn beautiful,’ Jinyoung groaned, ‘I want to bite your neck so badly.’  
‘You can do whatever you want to me.’  
‘Baby, does it mean you belong to me?’  
‘Shit, yes, Jinyoung.’

Jinyoung fucked Mark even harder. The sound of skin against skin filled the bedroom. He knew Mark was getting close since he started chanting a mix of profanity with his name. Jinyoung stroked Mark’s member at the coherent rhythm. 

‘Jinyoung!’ Mark cried as he spurted all over the younger’s hand. Jinyoung bit Mark’s nape and came inside of him. 

 

‘Jinyoung, what are we?’ Mark asked hesitantly while resting on Jinyoung’s chest.  
Jinyoung caressed his hair in silence for a brief moment.

‘Baby you don’t have to push yourself for something you aren’t ready yet. I will never give up on you. Not when you say you’re falling in love with me,’ Jinyoung pressed a kiss on top of Mark’s head.

Mark felt fortunate that Jinyoung understood him so well. He always saw through his confused mind and assured him in the best way possible. Sometimes Mark really thought that if Jinyoung wanted to play tricks on his mind, he would have succeeded. At the same time, he simply knew that Jinyoung would never intentionally hurt him. 

‘I can’t risk losing you,’ the older said softly.  
‘You will not,’ Jinyoung smiled, knowing that Mark trusted him with his fragility, ‘why don’t we take things slowly? One step at a time. You’ll feel more at ease that way.’  
Mark pressed a kiss on Jinyoung’s bare chest, ‘I’d like that, Jinyoungie.’

_Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong._

Mark whined in dismay and nuzzled into Jinyoung’s chest. He wanted to pretend that no one was home. It would be damn embarrassing to see Taehyung or Minhyuk or whoever at the door in his dishevelled state. Not to mention Jinyoung was with him.

_Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong._

‘Mark, I think you should get the door.’

_Thomp thomp thomp thomp._

‘C’mon, be a good boy,’ Jinyoung picked up the sweatshirt he wore last night.  
Mark pouted but complied anyway. Otherwise his neighbours might complain about the noise, ‘just a moment!’

As soon as Mark opened the door, he was met by a storm of long limbs and silver hair. Mark squealed in shock. It took him a moment to recognise the intruder.

‘Why are you here, Bam?’ Mark slipped into his mother tongue when he was surprised, ‘I thought you have a photoshoot in Bangkok.’  
‘Yes, I just landed two hours ago. Why don’t you pick up your phone, hyung?’ Bambam complained agitatedly.  
‘I —’  
Bambam wriggled his eyebrow when he saw the hickeys on Mark’s neck. The smugness melted away his frustration for a moment, ‘are you too busy being fucked by Jinyoung-hyung?’  
‘Yah! You little shit!’ Mark blushed at the maknae’s crude words.

‘Good morning Bambam.’  
‘Morning hyung,’ Bambam smiled weakly when Jinyoung appeared from the bedroom.

He hated JB for getting between Mark and Jinyoung. He hated JB for putting all of them into such a difficult position. Bambam knew he was doing the right thing to tell Mark the truth. Yet he wanted to let his hyung bask in simple happiness, even just for a second longer. 

Noticing the frown on Bambam’s face, Jinyoung asked, ‘Bambam-ah, is everything alright?’  
Mark immediately fussed over him, ‘did something happen in Thailand? Please tell me the photographer didn’t take advantage of you.’  
‘No,’ Bambam denied, ‘the shoot was fine. Everything’s fine for me.’

Bambam glanced at Jinyoung quickly, not sure how to break the news to Mark in front of Jinyoung.  
‘Let me take out breakfast downstairs and you guys can talk for a bit?’ Jinyoung offered.  
‘Thanks hyung.’

Bambam did not utter a word until Jinyoung kissed Mark goodbye. Mark looked at his dongsaeng worriedly. It was unsettling to see Bambam acting all stern. Something nasty must have happened. Mark inched closer to the maknae and held his hand to show support. That was the least Mark could do as a brother figure.

‘Take your time, Bammie,’ Mark soothed, ‘I’ll be there for you.’  
Bambam shook his head. The lump in his throat prevented him from saying anything.  
‘Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it together.’

Bambam took a deep breath, ‘this is not about me, ok? It’s about you, hyung.’  
‘Me?’ Mark’s brow raised, ‘but I have no schedule recently.’  
‘It’s not about your activities.’  
‘If the tabloids are still writing about me and Eunwoo, I think I can deal with that.’  
‘No —’  
Mark’s eyes widened in realisation, ‘they didn’t find out about Jinyoung, did they?’

Bambam sighed in defeat. Apparently, his hyung did not go on SNS. There was no way he could explain what actually happened. Perhaps he should show Mark the video clip directly.

‘Hyung, I must warn you this is something very serious. And you’ll be extremely emotional about it. You don’t have to pretend calm.’  
Mark felt his heartbeat picking up, ‘okay.’

‘This is about JB.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Work isn't going smoothly and I have rewritten the beginning of this chapter no less than 10 times. Thank you for your comments and kudos! They really give me a lot of encouragement and motivation to carry on. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and tell me what you think about the story <3
> 
> (Chapter title from DAY6's 'When You Love Someone')


	4. Congratulations, You’re Amazing

Adrenaline rushed through Mark’s veins when JB’s name rolled from Bambam’s mouth. His heart pounded viciously against his chest. He felt as though he was gagging from overflowing blood in his head. Mark avoided Bambam’s concerned gaze and focused on relaxing his trachea instead.

‘Alright,’ Mark replied feebly. It was all he could say in a state of frenzy.  
Bambam wet his lips, ‘JB is your ex. From four years ago.’  
Mark looked at Bambam in exasperation. His lung shrank and he could throw up any minute, ‘yes.’

Bambam sighed heavily and passed Mark his phone. It was hard not to notice his hyung’s trembling hands. Bambam even had to help him press the play button because Mark’s fingertips were too sweaty. 

_‘Today four years ago, I broke up with the love of my life.’_

As the video proceeded, blood began to drain from Mark’s face. While his palms remained clammy, his body turned cold and numb. Mark did not know what to feel. Not when patches of darkness marred his vision and lumps of thoughts clouded his mind. 

What was going on?  
What was Jaebum doing?  
Why was he saying that?  
Was that some kind of publicity stunt?  
Why would he capitalise on that out of everything?

Mark dropped Bambam’s phone and rushed to the bathroom. He retched and choked and gagged. Without him realising, tears covered his cheeks. His chest heaved but no oxygen entered his system. He could faintly hear Bambam muttering something but his voice was unclear as if they were immersed in water. 

Mark’s five senses went out of control. The shock Jaebum imposed on him drowned his entire being. His body insisted on vomiting some more but he had nothing to offer since he did not eat the previous day. 

Mark felt as though he had finished walking for Balenciaga for the first time. There was not an ounce of strength in him. His legs gave out under immense distress.

‘Hyung!’

As soon as Jinyoung unlocked the door, he heard a loud rumble in the bathroom followed by Bambam’s distressed shout. He immediately rushed in, only to see Bambam trying to hold Mark’s limp body. 

Even though Jinyoung’s heart leapt to his throat, his actions remained calm and prudent. He gathered the puddle of long limbs into his arms and carried Mark into the bedroom. Jinyoung was beyond worried. He was only out for half an hour and Mark already looked like a different person. Worn out, shocked, devastated. 

While Jinyoung gently wiped Mark’s sweaty body with a warm towel, his baby simply sat on the bed like a doll staring into thin air. No crying, no sobbing, no hiccupping. Just fresh tears trickling down his cheeks. The sight scared the shit out of Jinyoung. 

 

Im Jaebum was amazing, Mark thought.

He was so convinced that Jaebum had loved him at least at some point. Until today.

If Jaebum really did love him, he wouldn’t have capitalised on Mark’s popularity for publicity purpose. He wouldn’t have used their relationship to spark the talk of the town. He wouldn’t have forced Mark to once again be associated with him.

And Jaebum was so clever. Positioning himself as someone who put himself down just to be with his true love again. Fans certainly bought that image. If Mark did not respond, or responded too harshly, people would sympathise with him. But if Mark responded too nicely, people might get excited about a rekindling love. More so when it was between the leader of the hottest K-pop group and the most sought after male model in Asia.

Right, no matter how distressed he was, he must uphold his professionalism. If a publicity crisis emerged, a professional model would do his best to pull the shit together. 

Besides, he had already surrendered his career for Im Jaebum once. He would never ever allow him to touch his second. Especially not when he must live up to the title of _the_ most sought after male model in Asia.

‘Baby, please, talk to me. I’m really worried. I asked Bambam but he won’t breathe a word.’

Mark blinked and met Jinyoung’s pleading eyes. 

‘Jinyoung, can you help me to the bathroom please?’ Mark asked, his voice still slightly raspy, ‘I want to freshen up a bit.’

The younger immediately complied. He was glad that at least Mark snapped out of that unsettling headspace. Mark took his time to wash his face and fix his messy hair. He needed to collect himself before telling Jinyoung about his predicament. Holding Jinyoung’s hand, Mark entered the living room and sat down next to Bambam.

‘Apparently, at the New Year Concert, my ex claims that he wants to get back together.’

Jinyoung did not bother to suppress his gasp. What the fuck. Four years after a presumably nasty breakup. Out of the blue. If that wasn’t bad enough, that bastard did it in the public. It was impossible not to perceive it as a kind of blackmail. 

‘I’m sorry I can’t protect you,’ Jinyoung pulled Mark into his tight embrace and kissed the top of his head, ‘you don’t deserve this turmoil. No one deserves this turmoil.’  
Mark shrugged, ‘it’s alright. Just another publicity issue we have to deal with.’

Mark unpacked the takeaway food with great interest. Ham and cheese sandwich for Bambam. Beef noodles for Jinyoung. Light all-day breakfast for himself.

‘Bam-ah, it’s all over the internet, isn’t it?’ Mark asked while nibbling his toast.  
‘Yes, Twitter, Instagram, Naver, Billboard, YouTube,’ Bambam replied honestly, ‘people seem alright with the news though.’  
‘Let me grab my phone.’

134 messages. Missed calls from Bam, Brian, Minhyuk, Jae and Jiminnie. 

Minjun-hyungie: are you okay Mark? Please let me know if I can help with anything. Always ready if you need someone to talk to.

Peniel the Manager: oh my god Mark. I can’t believe his audacity. I’m taking the earliest flight back after my mum’s surgery finishes. Keep me updated. Meanwhile I’ll brainstorm a bit our strategy. 

Tae: I can’t believe JB pulled that stunt. Jun.K-hyung almost fought with him in the dressing room. Call me if I can do anything for you.

Amberrrrr: stay strong bro. Let’s fight back!

Mark knew his lips were probably quivering so he bit them hard. He felt ready to delve into public responses. 

It wasn’t as bad as he had anticipated. The majority were supportive whilst some were unsure. Only a usual group of haters tried to stir things up. But his fans immediately defended him and clarified with facts. With their support, Mark had greater flexibility in handling things. 

‘Hyung, did Peniel-hyung say anything?’ the maknae asked tentatively.  
‘He offers to fly back but I tell him I’ll handle it,’ the older model answered, ‘he should stay with his mum.’  
‘How should we —’  
‘SNS.’

 

‘Flip the bacon, hyung.’

Yugyeom’s voice startled Jaebum out of his trance. He immediately turned the bacon over but one side was borderline burnt. 

It was probably unwise to cook breakfast when he only turned and tossed for two hours. However, he needed some distraction from refreshing Mark’s SNS every minute. And he wanted to do something nice for his dongsaengs. Those three did not sleep until 3am, monitoring Mark’s reaction and fans’ comments on the internet. The least he could do to show gratitude was to prepare their favourite breakfast. Markiepooh’s signature breakfast they called it.

‘Yah, hyung, sit down. Let me do it,’ Yugyeom whined and snatched the spatula, ‘you aren’t paying attention at all.’

Yugyeom’s bustling silhouette made him feel a lot of things. The maknae really grew up a lot after Mark left. Perhaps it was because no one would buy him choco shake after he did aegyo. No one would snuggle with him on the bed. No one would take him to Los Angeles during holiday. 

‘Our Yugyeom is a man now,’ Jaebum sighed, ‘your Mark-hyung will be so proud.’  
Yugyeom’s movement halted for a moment, ‘you know what, hyung, for a very long time, I thought I had a crush on Mark-hyung. Because when he left us, I felt like my insides were dying.’  
‘But Bambam makes you realise otherwise?’ Jaebum asked while beating eggs.  
Yugyeom did not reply. He poured the bacon on the plates and started frying eggs. 

‘Oh, Markiepooh’s signature breakfast,’ Jackson sat down at the dining table while rubbing his eyes groggily.  
‘Jackson-hyung, can I have some green tea please?’ Youngjae asked, ‘I didn’t sleep well last night.’  
‘Do you want some too, Gyeomie?’  
‘Ne, hyung.’

_Yeah, you make me a teen. Eh, you make me a teen. Eh._

The sudden ring startled GOT. They exchanged nervous yet hopeful glances at each other. They believed that Mark might reach Jaebum through Yugyeom’s number. Jaebum beckoned Yugyeom to check the caller. 

Yugyeom’s eyes widened, ‘it’s Bambam.’  
A lump formed in Jaebum’s throat, ‘go on.’  
The maknae cleared his throat and picked up the call under his hyungs’ intense gazes. 

‘Fuck you! Kim Yugyeom!’ Bambam spat, fury piercing through the phone, ‘you hurt Mark-hyung and you use me to spy on him!’  
‘No, Bammie, it’s not like that,’ Yugyeom denied urgently, ‘I swear —’  
‘You know that I’m Mark-hyung’s good friend. That’s why you approach me in the first place!’  
‘That’s not —’  
‘Tell me you never relay information to JB.’  
Yugyeom was close to tears. Because that was exactly what he did.  
‘I know you’re part of this plot,’ Bambam chuckled bitterly, ‘I don’t have friends like you. Go fuck yourself, Kim Yugyeom.’

The air was suffocating. GOT could hardly breathe and their hearts could hardly beat. They never expected Bambam, or anyone for that matter, to perceive the confession as some kind of ‘plot’. And they underestimated Bambam’s reaction.

Yugyeom buried his face in his palms. His ears were bright red and his body quivered with hiccups. Jaebum’s heart lurched at how pitiful the maknae’s sniffles sounded. It was entirely his fault that Yugyeom might lose Bambam for good. Jaebum knew very well that the boy felt more than some harmless crush for the Thai model. No matter what, Jaebum must mend their friendship.

‘Jaebum-hyung,’ Yugyeom wept, ‘I – I really didn’t know he’s Mark-hyung’s good friend back then. I didn’t mean to s – spy. I just – I just – want to know if Mark-hyung is doing fine —’

Jaebum pulled the boy into his arms and patted his back. He exchanged a glance with Jackson and Youngjae. The three of them were not good at consoling people, especially a deeply saddened Yugyeom. Mark had been the best at soothing distressed hearts.

‘Our Gyeomie is a good boy,’ Jaebum tried to think of what Mark would say, ‘give Bambam some time. He will understand.’  
Jackson caressed Yugyeom’s hair.  
‘Don’t cry, Gyeomie,’ Youngjae said softly, ‘Bambam will come round.’

 

‘How’s Gyeomie?’ Jaebum asked when Youngjae emerged from Yugyeom’s room.  
‘He’s asleep now,’ Youngjae shrugged, ‘he didn’t get enough rest last night.’  
Jaebum sighed heavily and ran his fingers over his hair, ‘I —’ 

‘Mark posted on Instagram!’ Jackson shouted from his room.

Jaebum’s heart beat vigorously inside his throat. He poked into Instagram with his unsteady hand. What would Mark say? Would he be angry? Sad? Shocked? Each millisecond of loading tormented Jaebum. His thoughts roamed wildly. What if Mark posted a photo of him and Jun.K-hyung together? What if Mark uploaded a cutesy video of him and V? What if Mark announced that he was in a relationship with that actor Park Jinyoung?

Jaebum let out a breath he was unawarely holding when Mark’s selfie appeared in front of his eyes. Mark stared into Jaebum’s eyes with his slightly bloodshot ones and gave a tight-lip smile. The model put a thin layer of makeup, probably to conceal the puffiness around his eyes. Although Jaebum wanted Mark to smile every day, a part of him felt slightly relieved that he still mattered enough to make Mark cry. 

mark_tuan: Happy New Year everyone!! 2018 starts in a surprising way. Let’s hope things will get better^^

Mark acknowledging his confession calmed Jaebum’s restless heart. For now, it was enough to know that Mark did not plan to dismiss him. He must be patient and wait until Mark was ready to talk. Jaebum had his fingers crossed that the older would not prolong his suffering, though he understood he deserved severe punishments. 

‘This is not bad,’ Jackson sat next to Jaebum with his Pikachu plushie, ‘Tuan Yien definitely will somehow respond.’  
‘Ne, hyung,’ Youngjae beamed, ‘now that Mark-hyung has put your little heart at ease, you should probably get some sleep.’  
Jaebum returned a toothy smile, ‘yes, I’m glad that he doesn’t ignore me.’  
‘Go sleep hyung,’ Jackson urged, ‘you’re up till dawn.’  
Jaebum nodded. He picked up his phone from the coffee table, ready to go to bed. 

_Never ever. Ever gonna let you go. 다시 너를 떠나지 않아 걱정하지마._

His phone vibrated against his palm. An unknown number appeared on the screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think about Mark, Jinyoung and Jaebum as a love triangle =) Your comments definitely nourish my heart <3 Thanks for reading.
> 
> (Chapter title from DAY6's 'Congratulations')


	5. Never Ever Gonna Let You Go

‘I’ll be there in thirty minutes!’

As soon as Jaebum put down the phone, he rushed into his bedroom to get dressed. Normally he just grabbed the hoodie from the top of his pile of clothes. But he wanted to look good for Mark. And he wanted to make Mark’s heart skip a beat for him again. He would do anything that might possibly increase the chance of getting Mark back. 

When Jaebum reappeared in the living room, Jackson and Youngjae looked at him in awe. It had been a while since their leader dressed so chicly outside of work. The white dress shirt and black jeans subtly revealed the silhouette of his muscular body. His broad shoulders were accentuated by the black bomber jacket.

‘Woah, hyung, what’s the occasion?’ Jackson asked as soon as he detected the minty scent on Jaebum, ‘you’re all dressed up and cologne.’  
Youngjae nodded vigorously, ‘you even style your hair.’  
‘Mark wants to meet up,’ Jaebum tried not to smile too widely, ‘at Minjun-hyung’s cafe.’

 

As expected, a waitress brought him to a box free from prying eyes. Jaebum ordered his usual drink so that the sweetness of strawberry calmed his raging nerves. While sipping and biting on the straw, Jaebum tried not to imagine how the meetup would go. So he focused instead on things he needed to tell Mark. 

‘You’re early.’

Dressed in a simple black turtleneck, Mark entered the room with amplified grace. Jaebum thought the older had transformed into the finest piece of jade. Perhaps it was his temperament, his confidence or his sophistication. He became more beautiful as days went by.

‘Can I have an Americano please?’ Mark said softly to the waitress.

Some things probably never changed. His kindness. His accent, predominantly native but with a hint of American. His influence on Jaebum. The thankful smile Mark gave the waitress made Jaebum’s heart flutter. 

‘I’m really happy to see you,’ Jaebum exhaled heavily, ‘I know I don’t deserve it but I’m really glad. I miss you. It seems pretentious to say it, I know. But I mean it. I mean every single word of it.’

‘I appreciate your politeness but let’s save the formalities,’ Mark said with a smile with no warmth or softness, ‘how can I help you? I seriously don’t think you need any publicity stunts to promote GOT or your album. I did some research before I come. Your latest album tops the iTunes charts in 23 regions. Jackson endorses Adidas, Pepsi, Vivo and Lenovo. Yugyeom wins Hit the Stage and Youngjae is a vocal tutor on Produce 101. So GOT is currently the highest grossing idol group in the industry.’

‘Shit,’ Jaebum cussed under his breath.

He could not look at Mark right then, not when the older perceived his confession as some kind of commercial decision. It was laughable how much Jaebum underestimated the damage he had inflicted on their relationship. How arrogant of him to think that he only needed to rebuild trust and faith. 

Running his fingers through his hair, Jaebum opened and closed his mouth again. Every word he wanted to say, no matter how heartfelt they actually were, seemed pale and feeble. 

Jaebum abruptly walked towards his ex-boyfriend who jolted when he took his hand.  
‘What are you doing?’ Mark distanced himself from the younger.  
Jaebum did not let go, ‘hit me.’  
‘Huh?’ Mark looked at him incredulously.  
‘Hit me,’ Jaebum reiterated determinedly, ‘you’re angry with me.’  
‘Are you mental?’  
‘Hit me. Please, Markeu. Give me a chance to prove my love to you.’

Mark inhaled sharply before staring into Jaebum’s orbs. Even though there were no tears, that hurtfulness was much more intense than the teary gaze four years ago. Guilt, wistfulness and agitation choked Jaebum. The weight of Mark’s distress constricted his heart.

‘Your love? Seriously? You dare to say that in front of me?’ Mark chuckled humourlessly, ‘you’re damn interesting, Im Jaebum. When have I ever mattered to you, huh? Your career, friends, family. All of them matter. Even your cats are more important than me. I have never had a place in your heart and you ask for a chance to prove your love? Do you even know what love is?

‘No, you don’t. You don’t think about how I feel. You don’t think about how your decisions will affect me. You don’t think about whether I am better off without you. When you love someone, you put them before yourself. You care for them all the time and you stay beside them when they most need support. When had you ever done that for me? Not when we were together. And certainly not now when you force me into this sick publicity stunt!

‘I must say you’re getting better and better at managing publicity stuff though. You’re trending on every SNS. Your fanbase is strong and supportive. But I’m not as influential as GOT! I don’t have as many fans and there is always a bunch of people waiting to drag me down.

‘Do you know what the haters are saying? They say I’m a whore. They say I fuck the way up. They say I should get the fuck back to LA. You give them the opening they’ve been waiting for. But I bet you don’t notice any of that. Because all you’ve cared about is yourself. And now I suffer from your shit!’

Mark glared at Jaebum resentfully. His usually gentle eyes burnt with fury. Though Mark tried hard to conceal the emotional turmoil within him, twinkles of unshed tears gave him away. 

Jaebum felt like a complete idiot. And he hated the fact that Mark was absolutely right. He thought he had improved over the years but he was still so reckless and failed to think thoroughly. Worse still, he once again devastated Mark. His sensible, strong and big-hearted Mark.

Jaebum enveloped Mark’s hands in his larger ones and said urgently, ‘I’m sorry, Markeu. I’m so sorry. It’s thoughtless for me to put you in a difficult position. But I swear this is really not for publicity purpose! I just want to show you how determined and serious I am. I want you to know that I’m willing to risk my career for a second chance with you.’

‘Do you think I’m that stupid, Im Jaebum?’ Mark withdrew his hands forcefully and redness evolved on his ivory skin, ‘who on earth confesses after breaking up for four years? With absolutely no contact even? I dunno why GOT is suddenly so in need of coverage but you could have asked Jackson to approach me instead of playing with my feelings!’

‘I really want to be with you again. I’m serious,’ Jaebum pleaded, ‘why don’t you believe me?’

_Slap._

Jaebum felt a sharp sting on his face and his ears ringed unpleasantly. Cradling the burning cheek, Jaebum stared at the older in astonishment. A tear trickled down from Mark’s eyes. His lips quivered as he attempted to contain his devastation. 

‘You can’t possibly ask me to believe you when you refused to believe me in the first place.’

 

December 31, 2013.

‘Goddamn it!’ Jaebum shouted as he tore the score into pieces. 

For the past weeks, Jaebum had holed up in the studio to touch up the last song in their debut album. ‘Playground’ was good, not perfect. But Jaebum’s heart was too restless to work on such a soothing tune. 

As GOT’s leader and Mark’s boyfriend, Jaebum felt that he was entitled to be upset. Last week, Mark spent three days in Japan again because his parents had some business there. Everyone but him seemed to be notified.

What infuriated him more was that Mark’s performance got sloppier as the day of MV shooting approached. His movements often delayed and lacked the usual sharpness. He also could not land his flips flawlessly. That certainly was not an appropriate time to take days off. Did Mark not care about standing on the stage with him anymore? Did Mark finally realise the life of idols was too harsh?

Jaebum must admit that he had been more demanding to Mark than to the dongsaengs. Although the kids did not know they were officially boyfriends, he did not want them to think that he favoured Mark just because he liked him. Besides, Mark’s foundation had been the weakest. If they wanted a successful debut, Jaebum must push him harder, especially in MAT.

If those were legit reasons to be mad, being jealous of Minjun-hyung probably was not. 

On the evening Mark returned from Japan, Minjun-hyung escorted his boyfriend back and doted on him like a caring boyfriend. The sight made Jaebum’s blood boil. He was so offended that he almost threw punches at his sunbae.

Jaebum could not pinpoint when Mark became that close with Minjun-hyung. So close that Minjun-hyung knew all about Mark’s insecurities. Minjun-hyung remembered Mark’s habits better than Jackson. Minjun-hyung even let Mark name his dog. Though Mark reassured him time and time again that Jun.K was their hyung, there was always a glitch in Jabeum’s heart.

If Minjun-hyung confessed to Mark, Mark would accept him. Right? 

‘Yah!’

Jaebum’s powerful kick sent the rubbish bin to the wall. Torn paper, empty bottles and candy wraps scattered on the ground. 

 

‘Welcome to The Street!’ waiters greeted in unison. 

Jun.K exclaimed in surprise when he saw his hoobae at the door, ‘Mark-ah, I thought you have a date with Jaebum.’  
‘Oh, hi hyung,’ Mark smiled bitterly, ‘Jaebum is still working. He said he just had an early dinner. So I thought I can wait for him here.’  
‘Have you eaten? No right?’  
Jun.K’s disapproving gaze turned Mark’s ears scarlet.

‘Hyung, please don’t stare,’ Mark mumbled in between bites, ‘I can’t eat comfortably that way.’  
‘I won’t if you can show some self-discipline,’ Jun.K would not tell him that he stared because Mark looked cute nibbling like a rabbit, ‘Dr Hwang said you should have small but frequent meals.’  
The younger grimaced, ‘yes sir.’

Jun.K sighed heavily. He could not refrain from worrying about Mark. The debut really took a toll on his body. And his relationship with Jaebum only added to the pent up stress. He had already lectured Jaebum a couple of times in the hope that he would start treating Mark the way he deserved. As a sunbae, Jun.K could only do that much.

But Jaebum was a lost cause. He spent longer time in the studio. Each text to Mark got shorter and response time longer. And today, on the New Year Eve, Jaebum still gave Mark the cold shoulder.

‘Mark-ah, take care of yourself,’ Jun.K said seriously, ‘you’ve been hospitalised for a couple of times already. You can’t always fool Jaebum you’re off to Japan.’  
Mark’s spoon halted in front of his mouth, ‘I guess not. Jaebum is livid. This is the longest period he has given me silent treatment. If it weren’t New Year Eve today, he probably would not see me.’

Jun.K’s eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. Although Jackson did not understand why Mark refused to tell Jaebum about his ulcer and back injuries, Jun.K knew better. Apart from not wanting to distract Jaebum, Mark feared that Jaebum would consider him a burden to the group and abandon him. No matter how hard Jackson, Brian, Jae, Jimin and Jun.K persuaded him to tell Jaebum the truth, Mark refused to comply. 

Jun.K was about to bring that up but stopped before making Mark’s evening worse, ‘you’re a pain in the neck.’  
‘But I’m still your favourite hoobae right?’ Mark looked at him with puppy eyes.  
His sunbae immediately averted his gaze. Jun.K could not handle that much of cuteness.  
‘Hyung?’  
Jun.K was certain that Mark deliberately dragged on the vowel to make his heart flutter. He pinched his nose and chuckled, ‘yes, baby, you’re my favourite.’  
‘Hyung,’ Mark pouted as he swallowed the last strand of pasta, ‘don’t call me baby. I’m not Audrey.’  
It was not like Jun.K wanted to spend more time with Mark but Audrey really missed the younger, ‘now that you’re done with dinner, do you want to pick up Audrey with me?’

 

Jaebum was on his way to the subway station when he saw Jun.K and Mark leaving the vet. 

Jun.K’s hand rested on the small of Mark’s back. The younger nuzzled into a ball of grey fur. As the dog inched closer to Jun.K, Mark closed the gap between them so that the dog still rested safely in his arms. The smile on Jun.K’s face widened. His gaze on Mark and Audrey reminded Jaebum of the way a father looked at a newborn baby and his mother. Tender and full of love. 

Jaebum did not know what Jun.K said to his boyfriend. But Mark returned a beam which Jaebum had not seen for a long time. A beam from the past when Mark had been genuinely happy and carefree.

The sight inflamed an unexplainable anger within Jaebum. Ridiculous as it seemed, he actually wished that Mark had cheated on him. Then he would have every reason to be mad at Mark and Jun.K. But no. Mark was a loyal person. Unless you abandoned him, harsh treatment would not deter him from staying by your side. 

Now Jaebum understood his anger better. Not only was he jealous of Jun.K, he was disappointed at himself. He failed to motivate Mark to walk the last step towards their dream. He could not make Mark happy like Jun.K.

He weighted Mark down. 

The poisoning epiphany shot through Jaebum’s veins. The fury within him burnt ardently. He felt the need to run as fast as he could before he exploded. Jaebum dashed without a destination. Even when passers-by looked at him curiously, he kept sprinting. 

Sprinting until he hit a dead end. 

 

Jaebum met up with Mark an hour later. 

It was windy and gloomy near the Han River. Mark shivered pitifully in coldness. But Jaebum did not hold his hands. The slightest touch of Mark’s skin would make him lose it. The younger wanted to remember the last moment as Mark’s boyfriend, no matter how bitter that moment was. 

Starting from the new year, Im Jaebum and Tuan Yien were only teammates. Nothing more, nothing less. 

‘Let’s break up,’ Jaeum said as emotionlessly as he could pretend. 

Mark gasped sharply. Tears emerged from his doe-like eyes which widened in utmost shock. For a while, Mark could not talk. Fresh tears replaced words to illustrate his heart. Air around them thickened until they found themselves out of breath.

‘Why?’ Mark faltered. His eyebrows furrowed in pain, ‘is it because I’m not worthy anymore? A burden to the team? I ask too much of you?’  
‘It’s always Minjun-hyung for you.’  
Mark rubbed his stomach in discomfort, ‘say it again.’

‘Get the fuck back to Kim Minjun, Tuan Yien!’

 

_Knock knock._

‘Your Americano, sir.’

The waitress’s voice interrupted the staring contest between Mark and Jaebum. As soon as she closed the door, Mark turned away from Jaebum to wipe away tears from his face.

Jaebum hugged Mark from the back and said into the crook of Mark’s neck, ‘I believe in you. I’ve always had. It’s me I didn’t believe in. Let me make things right for you. For us. Let me compensate you with all my love. Please, Markeu.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited Markbum reunion and the big revelation! I dunno how their relationship should develop this point onwards. How do people actually get back together? Thanks for reading. Please comment below!
> 
> (Chapter title from GOT7's 'Never Ever')


	6. I Don't Know Why I Can't Let You Go

‘I thought it’d be better if I push you to someone who deserved you.’

Jaebum’s words reverberated in Mark’s ears. They overthrew his perception on the breakup. The older was dazed by the sharp turn of event. So much that his body froze, giving the younger an opportunity to tighten his embrace. 

‘You were unhappy. I wasn’t sure if it’s because how harsh training was or because I was unreasonably demanding to you. But your passion as a performer was diminishing. I no longer saw the glint in your eyes when you did MAT. The edge in your movements blunted. You were hurting but I couldn’t do anything to help you through it. Every time I saw you, I felt the pain and frustration from my incapability. How could I stay with you, knowing that I couldn’t make you happy?

‘But Minjun-hyung was different. He revived your original heart. He gave you things I couldn’t offer — motivation, assurance, solace. He loves you and he knows how to love you. You’d be happy with him.’

Mark understood every single word from Jaebum. But when they put together, everything did not make sense. So Jaebum knew he never cheated on him? Jaebum despised himself but not Mark? Jabeum thought breaking his heart was his way to love him? 

A pang of dull pain surged through his abdomen and interrupted his thoughts. The older exhaled shakily to will the familiar symptom away. He needed to end the conversation soon. Being in proximity with Jaebum triggered all sorts of ache within him.

‘I don’t know why I can’t let you go, Markeu.’

Jaebum’s head fell on Mark’s right shoulder. His voice sounded so genuinely wrecked that Mark did not have the heart to shrug him off. Mark knew very well that he was treading on precarious water. The layer of alleged loathe towards Jaebum melted gradually and the feelings buried deep within his heart began to resurface. 

‘After you left, for a very long time I couldn’t eat or sleep. I overworked myself until my body shut down. Jackson, Youngjae and Yugyeom were really worried. I thought my heart would heal over time. But no, the agony of losing you became more and more vivid. Each note, each chord, each word. My songs were all about you. 

‘I finally broke down after finishing our first world tour. I couldn’t stop crying at the backstage. Jackson sat me down the next day and I told him everything. I remembered him saying, “if you think you aren’t worthy of Mark-hyung, then become worthy of him.”’

‘Enough,’ a tear escaped from Mark’s eyes as he shook his head in desperation, ‘I spent four years to move on. Don’t you dare take this away from me.’

Jaebum turned Mark around by his shoulders. Their faces were too close to Mark’s liking. His heartbeat picked up and his stomachache intensified. Mark instinctively looked away from the root of his continuous distress but was forced to meet Jaebum’s burning gaze.

‘I know you still have feelings for me, Markeu,’ Jaebum stroked Mark’s tearstained cheek with his thumb, ‘I can see them in your eyes.’  
‘No,’ Mark faltered, fully aware that neither of them believed it.  
‘Then tell me you don’t love me anymore.’

Mark’s lips parted but no sound came through. 

Jaebum brushed away his fringe fondly and pressed a chaste kiss on his forehead, ‘I love you.’

‘I love you so much.’ A kiss on his nose.

‘I never stop loving you.’ A kiss on his cheek.

‘Markeu, please believe me.’

Jaebum kissed the corner of his mouth. It was prudent and solemn. The earnestness reminded Mark of their first kiss. They had been young and innocent. At least innocent enough to believe that love was the solution to everything. 

It hurt so damn much, Mark thought. He could not help but rub his stomach as discreetly as possible. His limbs felt numb and feeble. Despite the unusually quick heartbeat, a sheen of cold sweat covered his pores. 

Sensing Mark’s discomfort, Jaebum immediately fret over him, ‘are you alright? Do you need to see the doctor?’  
‘No, it’s fine. I just need to rest at home,’ Mark did not bother to conceal the fact that he felt sick. Not when he had a bad feeling that he might faint again, ‘I’ll ask Jinyoung to pick me up.’  
‘Let me drive you.’  
‘No —’  
‘Yien.’

 

Jinyoung thought that he would soon be consumed by anxiety. He really should not have allowed Mark to see JB on his own. He could at least drive him there and wait for him somewhere nearby. He had called Mark six times but no pick up. It was unbecoming of Jinyoung to imagine Mark lying on the ground unconsciously. But the shock from the episode that morning was still so prominent on his mind. 

Jinyoung was glad that he at least got through to Bambam, ‘Bam-ah, is Mark with you right now?’  
‘No, he didn’t get in touch with me.’  
‘I’ve called him six times already but he never picked up.’  
‘Do you think he’s still with JB?’ the maknae’s voice was laced with uneasiness.  
‘There’s no way the meeting takes more than three hours though.’  
‘Maybe he’s asleep at home?’  
‘I’m going to his place now. Will keep you updated.’

On the way to Mark’s apartment, Jinyoung continued dialling his number. Restlessness gnawed at his insides. Though usually a law-abiding driver, Jinyoung might have honked more than necessary and run a few red lights that day. 

‘Pick up the fucking phone, Mark,’ Jinyoung cussed under his breath.

‘Hello,’ an unfamiliar male voice greeted.  
Jinyoung’s vigilance immediately turned fully on, ‘who’s speaking? Can you pass the phone to Mark please?’  
‘Um, you’re Jinyoung-ssi right? I’m JB. Mark is not feeling well so he’s resting now.’  
‘Where is he?’  
‘He’s home.’  
‘I take it that you’re with him at the moment?’  
‘Yeah.’  
‘You’d better not do anything to him. I’ll see you in a bit.’

Jinyoung took a deep breath to calm the rage in his chest. He did not trust this JB guy and certainly had no reason to. He only prayed that nothing bad had happened or would happen to Mark. Or else he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. 

While waiting for the lift at the underground car park, the actor reminded himself to maintain his composure and not to do anything reckless. Apart from the fact that JB was not worth it, Mark was falling in love with Park Jinyoung. Not anyone else. 

 

Jinyoung strode into Mark’s bedroom as soon as Jaebum opened the door, not giving any chance for the singer to stop him.

Mark was soundly asleep with his Squirtle. The steady rhythm of his respiration calmed Jinyoung’s erratic heartbeat. He gauged Mark’s temperature with the back of his hand and was relieved to know that it was normal. He tucked Mark’s exposed arm back in the duvet before exiting quietly. 

‘Didn’t mean to be rude but,’ Jinyoung cast a glance at Mark’s bedroom, ‘I’m Jinyoung.’  
‘JB.’  
Jinyoung smiled and beckoned the other to take a seat, ‘I guess Mark hasn’t the time to get you anything to drink?’  
Jaebum shook his head.  
‘Tea? Coffee?’  
‘Water is fine. Thanks.’

Although Jinyoung knew that Jaebum’s eyes were following his movement, the actor took his time to wash his mug and a white tea cup Mark reserved for guests. He laid the cup on the coffee table without a word. 

For a moment, quietness fell upon the living room. While Jaebum fidgeted on his seat, Jinyoung sipped from his mug at ease and take the sadistic pleasure in putting the singer in an unsettling silence.

‘Do you know how Mark likes his hot chocolate?’ Jinyoung asked out of the blue.  
‘No,’ Jaebum replied perplexedly, ‘why?’  
‘He likes it with lots of milk and a spoonful of cinnamon powder.’  
‘His favourite ice cream flavour?’  
‘Erm, strawberry?’  
‘He only chooses strawberry when cookies ’n cream is sold out. Favourite plushie for bed?’  
‘Pikachu. That’s his favourite Pokemon.’  
‘Reasonable guess but in case you miss it, Mark’s cuddling his favourite right now. It’s a Squirtle gifted by an old friend.’

‘Is this some kind of trivia quiz?’ Jaebum’s eyebrows furrowed with agitation, ‘what’s the point?’  
Jinyoung chuckled, ‘the point is, as expected, you know nothing about Mark’s preferences.’  
‘I don’t need to know everything to love him. That’s not how it works.’

Jinyoung gazed at Jaebum solemnly, subjecting the singer’s being to interrogation. The intensity was beyond what Jaebum had seen from Jun.K.

‘No, of course not. Mark doesn’t need people to treat him like a princess. But he really appreciates it when you bother to pay attention to details about him. It’s not about the knowledge. It’s about how much you care to learn about him. It makes him feel cherished.

‘You didn’t know how to love him four years ago. You still don’t know how to love him four years later.’

‘Are you Mark’s boyfriend?’ Jaebum asked bluntly.  
Jinyoung would probably appreciate the straightforwardness if he didn’t hurt Mark, ‘no.’  
Jaebum’s face relaxed visibly.   
Jinyoung was amazed how simple Jaebum was. The singer’s tactlessness almost made the actor laugh, ‘you want to get back together with Mark.’  
‘Yes.’

‘I admire your — audacity. After all, few people can openly admit that they have been scums and ask for forgiveness.’  
‘Admitting your mistake is the first step to make amends,’ Jaebum replied with self-restraint.  
Jinyoung hummed in response, ‘but I’m afraid things aren’t that easy. Many people want to become Mark’s boyfriend.’  
‘And you’re one of them?’  
‘Indeed.’

Despite Jinyoung’s smile, the aggressiveness beneath his gentle appearance was not unnoticed by Jaebum. There was a precarious glint in the actor’s eyes, warning Jaebum to stay away from his man.

‘I’m under the impression that _you_ ditch him and destroy him,’ Jinyoung took a sip from his mug, ‘what makes you think that you stand a chance, JB-ssi?’  
‘Mark still has feelings for me. We still love each other.’

Jinyoung chuckled at Jaebum’s lamentable level of innocence. Offended, Jaebum grabbed the actor’s collar.

‘Forgive me, I just didn’t expect such a —’ unfazed by Jaebum’s outburst, Jinyoung continued searching for a positive word to replace ‘petulant’, ‘— sentimental answer.’  
Jaebum retorted, ‘love is all about feelings, isn’t it?’  
‘Don’t be naive,’ Jinyoung smirked, ‘it’s not enough to just fall in love with each other.’

 

‘How did it go, hyung?’ 

As soon as Jaebum entered the dorm, Jackson looked at him earnestly. His puppy eyes glowed with anticipation. Youngjae also abandoned his game to check on him.

Jaebum could not stifle his sigh, ‘even though he slapped me, it started off alright.’

The pair listened closely to Jaebum’s recount. They gasped dramatically when they heard that he grabbed Jinyoung’s collar.

‘Please don’t tell me Mark-hyung saw it,’ Youngjae deadpanned.  
Jaebum sighed in defeat, ‘exactly. He was livid and kicked the both of us out.’  
‘Well at least Park Jinyoung was thrown out too,’ Jackson commented, ‘but this guy sounds difficult.’  
Youngjae nodded, ‘you must admit it’s kind of deep though. “It’s not enough to just fall in love with each other.”’  
The leader’s chin jutted in annoyance. 

 

Bambam was sympathetic but not at all surprised when Jinyoung informed him that Mark kicked out the both of them. His hyung was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. He just wanted a break from the world before his work resumed. Bambam totally understood why Mark was upset.

‘I’m not defending them! Jinyoung-hyung had every reason to be worried. I worried too, hyung,’ the maknae tried to sooth Mark on the phone, ‘and JB was right not to leave a sick person alone.’  
‘You surely aren’t defending them, Kunpimook Bhuwakul,’ Mark pouted, ‘I’ll apologise later just to prolong my peace.’  
Bambam hummed in agreement.

‘Is everything alright, Bammie?’ Mark asked, ‘you’re abnormally quiet.’  
‘Of course, hyung,’ Bambam answered as cheerfully as possible, ‘I’m just packing for Japan.’  
‘Geez,’ Mark gasped, ‘I totally forgot.’  
‘Do you want me to help you pack tomorrow night?’  
‘It’s ok. I’ll leave you to it then.’  
‘Don’t forget to take pills before you sleep.’  
‘You’re becoming like Jinyoungie,’ Mark chuckled, ‘bye Bammie.’  
‘Good night, hyung.’

Bambam threw his phone onto the bed and plopped onto it. There were countless missed calls and messages on Kakao, Snapchat and Instagram from Kim Yugyeom. 

Was he too harsh on him?  
Did he jump to conclusion?  
Should he just listen to Yugyeom’s explanation?  
Should he apologise?

_Do it like, do it like. We only live once. WOLO._

Bambam took a deep breath and picked up the phone.

‘Bambam!’ Yugyeom’s excitement almost oozed out from the speaker.  
A small smile evolved on the model’s face, ‘hey.’  
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to conceal the fact that I know Mark-hyung,’ Yugyeom reeled off as though he was afraid that Bambam would hang up on him.

‘I’m sorry I yelled at you.’  
‘Does it mean that you’re not mad at me anymore?’  
‘No.’  
‘Why?’ the vowel was dragged, just like every time Yugyeom unintentionally acted cute.  
‘You have a lot of explaining to do, Kim Yugyeom,’ Bambam replied softly, ‘let’s meet after I return from Japan.’  
‘Ok,’ Yugyeom surrendered, ‘promise you’ll text me back?’  
‘Yes, you big baby,’ Bambam chuckled, ‘see you later.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. I kind of ran out of idea, went to Seoul (jealous?) and then still ran out of idea. I apologise that this chapter is not as good as I like it to be. Thanks for reading and please leave comments <3
> 
> (Chapter title from JB's 'Rainy')


	7. There Is Not A Cloud

The past week felt like a hallucination to Mark. He spent every waking moment researching on similar publicity incidents, deriving his own line-to-take, coming up with a list of questions reporters would grill him on and honing the answers until he found them close to foolproof. Then he spent every sleeping moment, if any, dreaming about fights with Jaebum.

Worse still, he was haunted by constant stomachache and muscle weakness, with occasional dizzy spells. Mark knew Bambam was worried sick. His nervous glances were not unnoticed. The older tried his best to eat more to ease Bambam’s concern but he felt like choking at the sight of food and really puked after a few bites.

It still amazed Mark that he actually pulled through all jobs in Japan. As soon as he set foot in Tokyo, he immediately had to attend a business dinner. The following days were fully occupied by a photo shoot with steady. magazine, a brand event for the Face Shop, fittings for upcoming shows and various interviews. Mark sought refuge from the fact that Japanese reporters were somewhat less demanding. They seemed to be satisfied with Mark’s vague responses. 

In terms of work, the progress of gaining control over the Markbum storm was satisfactory. In terms of emotion, however, reporters’ questions reminded Mark of many memories. A hurricane had been growing in his heart and the slightest movement of a butterfly’s wing could trigger it. 

 

On the last night in Tokyo, Mark was heading to Jun.K’s apartment. His sunbae had moved his base to Japan as the singer remained the most popular Korean artist in J-Pop industry. It had been a while since Mark last saw his oldest sex friend.

Mark muttered into the intercom, ‘hyung, let me in please.’

Jun.K greeted Mark with a fond smile. Audrey, Noopy and Denver waved their fluffy tails in excitement. Overcome by a tide of inexplicable emotions, Mark shoved Jun.K against the nearest wall and attacked his lips feverishly.

Jun.K let out a gasp of astonishment at the kitten licks on his mouth. Mark seized the opportunity to invade his cavity. As his tongue glided on its counterpart skilfully, Mark could taste the malty aftertaste of whiskey from Jun.K mixing with the lingering sweetness of plum wine he had stolen from Bambam’s cup at dinner.

Out of instinct, the older fought for dominance and pulled Mark close to his muscular torso for better access. One hand rested possessively on Mark’s lean waist and the other grabbed his firm butt, immediately eliciting a choked moan from the younger. It made Mark weak in the knees so he held onto Jun.K’s biceps for support.

As though pets had the ability to detect sexual tension, the dogs sneaked back to their nest, leaving the humans in handsy lip lock.

While Jun.K kept Mark in place with his strong arms, the younger moved his lips elsewhere. Open-mouthed kisses were littered on Jun.K’s earlobe, jawline, neck and collarbone in a bruising manner, occasionally sucking and biting.

Jun.K’s heavy breathing egged Mark on. He humped on his hyung’s bulge which grew bigger, harder and hotter with each move. Mark could not stop himself from whimpering or his dick from leaking.

‘Mark, fuck,’ Jun.K panted while trying to keep Mark’s hip still, ‘st – stop.’  
‘No, hyung,’ Mark ground harder as if to make a point, ‘unless you want to fuck my mouth?’  
Jun.K had to push Mark away when the younger relentlessly tugged at his pants, ‘stop this nonsense.’

The pair gazed at each other for a moment or two whilst regaining their breath from the intense make out session. Jun.K knew what happened just then was an emotional breakdown only. As Mark’s most trusted sunbae, he would never take advantage of his vulnerability. 

Crouching down, Mark burst into tears and buried his face into his lap. Each sob shot right through Jun.K’s heart. It pained him to see Mark crying so helplessly and desperately. Jun.K held Mark in his arms and patted his head, like the way an older brother consoled a younger sibling.

‘It’s gonna be ok. Hyung is here for you.’

While Jun.K took care of his problem in the bathroom, he sent his kids to keep Mark company. For a while, Mark just let his tears be absorbed by Audrey’s fur and allowed Noopy and Denver to console him.

‘Hyungie, sorry about just now,’ Mark bit his lips in both nervousness and embarrassment.   
Jun.K ruffled his hair and grinned, ‘don’t sweat it. You’re still my favourite hoobae.’  
Mark returned a small smile. Minjun-hyung always gave him strength to cope, ‘I dunno how to deal with him, hyung. I never expect him to return to my life.’  
‘And things must be even trickier with Jinyoung in the equation.’  
Mark sighed heavily. He didn’t want to acknowledge that. 

‘Mark, ask yourself, do you still love Im Jaebum?’

‘I’ve been asking myself the same question over the past four years but I still don’t know. Every time I think about him, my heart hurts so badly and tears begin to flow. I’ve never felt so strongly about a person in my life. It’s so torturing and confusing. Sometimes I reckon I’m just really hurt by the betrayal. Sometimes I think maybe that’s how one feels after losing the love of his life.’

‘Then have you ever thought about getting back together with him?’  
‘No, I never thought that we’ll cross path again.’  
‘Is it because you dare not give yourself false hope?’  
‘No, I just never thought about it.’

Jun.K nodded pensively, ‘how about Jinyoung? Do you love him?’  
‘No, I don’t love him yet.’  
‘But you’re falling in love with him?’  
‘Yes,’ Mark confirmed.  
‘Woah, this Jinyoung guy is surely impressive,’ the older chuckled good-naturedly, ‘so I take it that you plan to pursue a committed relationship with him?’  
‘That’s another key problem!’ Mark accidentally hit Noopy, who immediately left for his owner, ‘oh sorry baby. I want to but I don’t want to dive into it without having totally moved on from Jaebum.’

Mark nuzzled into Jun.K’s bicep, silently asking to be patted. The sunbae laughed at the childlike, no, puppyish behaviour of this 25-year-old supermodel. He was relieved to see that some of those cute antics were back so he generously granted Mark’s wish.

‘What should I do, hyungie?’ Mark mumbled.  
‘Well,’ Jun.K cleared his throat, ‘you’re not gonna like what I say. But I reckon you should confront Jaebum.’  
‘Like I should punch him in the face?’ Mark sat up straight and looked at him incredulously, ‘I’ve already slapped him!’  
Jun.K tsked in annoyance, ‘absolutely not and you’re ridiculous, Tuan Yien.

‘I mean you should stop running away and face Jaebum squarely. Four years of evasion only brought you pain and you made little progress on getting over him. Now is the time to end this for good. Tell Jinyoung everything, from falling in love with Jaebum to the nasty breakup. It’s unfair to keep him from a significant part of you. 

‘You’re doing this not only for yourself, but also Jinyoung.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short transitional chapter focusing on the sunbae-hoobae dynamic and how Jun.K guides Mark through confusion in life. I am aware that you may not find this as cute as Markjin/Markbum interaction but I feel that it's important to give more depth to Mark as a person in this story. I hope you still enjoy this story (even though I know the story seems to be getting nowhere... I'm trying my best...)
> 
> Thank you so so SO much for reading. Please give me strength and comment below <3
> 
> (Chapter title from GOT7's 'You Are')


	8. I Wish You Well

Time to send him home, Jun.K thought.

It was the first sunny morning in Tokyo since the New Year. Lukewarm sunlight cast away the chilliness in his apartment. He quietly opened the door to the guest room and found Mark still sleeping soundly with the panda plushie.

Even though Mark was exhausted by recent events, the gentle glow that initially drew Jun.K to him never diminished. Sitting beside the slumbering figure, Jun.K caressed Mark’s soft brown hair. Each touch was full of tenderness and cherishing because Mark would soon become someone else’s again. Jun.K was glad, really, that Park Jinyoung seemed to be a sophisticated man who treated Mark the way the angel deserved.

He pressed a chaste kiss on Mark’s forehead and whispered the three words he could never say to the younger, ‘I love you.’

A lone tear escaped Jun.K’s eye before Audrey, Denver and Noopy barged into the room and climbed into the bed. He hastily wiped it away, just in time for Mark’s eyes to flutter open.

‘Five minutes, hyungie,’ Mark nuzzled against Jun.K’s thigh.  
Audrey and Noopy protested by licking his face.  
The younger whined, ‘send your kids away.’  
Jun.K pulled himself together and chuckled like he usually did, ‘it’s half nine already. You need to get ready.’

Mark immediately put the dogs away and rushed out of the bed.

‘I promised you Markiepooh’s signature breakfast, hyung! Why don’t you wake me?’ Mark sighed dramatically as he picked out stuff for his morning routine, ‘meanwhile can you pick out clothes for me? Maybe something nice but comfy?’

Jun.K smiled to himself as his dongsaeng slammed his bathroom door. At least he got to see Mark happy, he thought.

‘Bambam just texted me they will arrive in ten,’ Jun.K said while helping Mark with his earrings.

‘You’re staying with me the next time you go back to Seoul, Minjun-hyungie. Your Markiepooh’s signature breakfast is long overdue.’  
‘Your confrontation with Jaebum is long overdue too,’ Jun.K reminded as light-heartedly as possible.  
‘Yes hyung,’ Mark pouted, ‘you’re no jam.’  
‘Says the one who has the least jam.’  
‘Lame,’ Mark giggled. 

Jun.K pulled Mark into his embrace, ‘no matter what happened, hyung is always there for you.’  
‘I know.’  
‘Be a good kid, yeah?’  
Mark nodded, ‘bye hyung.’

 

As it was a weekday morning, not many fans gathered at the airport. Mark and Bambam walked to the check-in counter with ease and they arrived at the gate much earlier than usual.

Mark settled at an obscure corner of the coffee shop whilst Bambam picked up their order.

The sky was blue and cloudless. Mark could feel the warmth of sunshine on his skin. The sound of engines rang regularly as planes kept flying in and out of the airport. Staff members scattered all over the apron area, busy with cargo loading and maintenance work. Mark relished in the feeling of getaway like he always did at the airport. It was healing and liberating, particularly on that day.

He was regaining a sense of direction.

‘Hot Latte and egg salad sandwich for you hyung,’ Bambam put down the tray and distributed their food.  
‘I almost never drink hot Latte,’ Mark frowned in perplex, ‘didn’t I say iced Americano?’  
Bambam batted Mark’s hand away from his iced caramel macchiato, ‘you’re not having cold stuff for your upset stomach. In fact, you should be grateful I let you drink coffee at all! Jinyoung-hyung and Jun.K-hyung will definitely kill me if they hear about this.’

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._

Jinyoungie: Have Bambam bought you food?  
Jinyoungie: Have a day off and I’m getting breakfast with Wonpilie.  
Jinyoungie sent a photo.

Mark put down his coffee. Biting his lips, he contemplated his reply.

Mark: Yes and he refused to buy me iced Americano as per your request.  
Mark: Say hi to Onefeel for me alright? And tell him I wish him luck for the world tour.

He re-typed the last line over and over again until Jinyoung teased him about typing an essay of love confession to him.

Mark: Can we meet tonight? I’ll cook.  
Jinyoungie: Sure baby. See you soon x

Mark munched on his sandwich while scrolling through the SNS. The fans seemed to like the pictures of the photo shoot this time as they earned many likes and retweets. Bambam was sending voice messages to someone but hearing ‘Mark-hyung’ drew his attention.

‘Who are you talking to? I keep hearing my name.’  
‘Just telling Yugyeom we’ll be back to Seoul soon,’ Bambam shrugged.  
‘You’ve been texting him non-stop,’ Mark grinned, ‘and now you’re reporting your schedule to him. What’s going on, Bams?’  
‘Seriously, hyung?’ Bambam chuckled exasperatedly, ‘I don’t “report” my schedule to him. Nothing’s going on. We’re just friends.’  
‘Well I’m not sure if Gyeomie just wants to be friends.’  
Bambam rolled his eyes in annoyance, ‘he does. And he says he has no love interest at the moment, alright?’

_Buzz._

‘But Gyeomie never keeps tracks on anyone’s schedule.’  
‘How do you know?’ Bambam pouted, ‘you haven’t talked to him for ages.’  
Mark’s face immediately fell.  
‘Sorry hyung, I don’t mean to —’

_Buzz._

‘It’s ok,’ Mark dismissed but his smile did not return, ‘let me reply the texts first.’

Indeed, Mark would not know because he hadn’t talked to Gyeomie, Gaga or Youngjae for such a long time. They grew into successful artists, got to experience crazy stuff and met different people. Mark gave up that opportunity to do all of those with them. How could he ever face them again?

He missed them, especially when Bambam and Peniel had not joined JYP Modelling. Training as a model had been hard, as expected. But this time, when he felt sad, there was no Youngjae to cheer him up. When he felt stressed, no Gyeomie would do stupid things to make him laugh. When he felt homesick, he could not cry on Gaga’s shoulder. Even though he had endured all those negative emotions at Studio J, loneliness made everything worse. 

Mark still missed his dongsaengs. But that wound on his heart gradually turned into a scar after Bambam and Peniel came into his life.

_Buzz._

Jaebum: Are you free tonight?  
Jaebum: You must be tired from schedule.  
Jaebum: Let me make you kimchi jjigae.

Mark let out a heavy sigh and put down his phone. He had been receiving texts from Jaebum since their meetup. Sometimes Jaebum would say ‘I love you’, ‘thinking of you’ or ‘good luck at work’. Sometimes he would send photos of places they used to hang out at, food Mark liked or his cats. He usually just read without replying but Jabeum did not give up. 

Although he planned to do as Minjun-hyung had advised, a meetup now would be too soon. He needed to talk to Jinyoung first. Mark guessed he should be glad that Jaebum asked, or else he would definitely procrastinate. 

Mark: I’m not available tonight. Maybe we can meet this weekend? 

He pushed away the remaining egg sandwich and said to Bambam, ‘I want to take a quick stroll before boarding. See you at the gate.’

 

‘Mark-hyung says hi to you Onefeel,’ Jinyoung chortled at the silly nickname, ‘and he wishes you luck for the tour.’  
‘Yah! Stop laughing!’ Wonpil kicked his best friend’s shin under the table, ‘I really regret introducing you to Mark-hyung now. You’re such a meanie.’  
‘Geez, I almost choke on the tea,’ Jinyoung glared, ‘how are you doing, superstar? You’ve been touring around the world.’  
‘Good,’ Wonpil smiled sweetly, ‘enjoyed ourselves immensely except when we’re worried about Mark-hyung, especially Brian-hyung. He hasn’t texted us recently.’

‘He’s busy dealing with the media and has a full schedule in Tokyo,’ Jinyoung explained while chewing the toast, ‘he feels better now so please tell Brian-hyung not to worry too much.’  
Wonpil nodded and started spreading jam on his bread, ‘how are you, Jinyoungie?’  
‘Me? I’ve been busy promoting  _A Stray Goat_  and will be off to Hong Kong next week.’  
‘You know I’m not asking about that.’

Jinyoung focused on slicing the bacon into perfect squares, ‘you know I’m worried and you know why I’m worried. JB is not like V or Minhyuk or Eunwoo. He’s a real opponent, realer than Jun.K-hyung. He manages to stay in Mark’s heart until now. No one can rival his influence over Mark. 

‘To be honest, I am not too confident that Mark will choose me. He has loved JB for god knows how many years but he only admits he’s falling in love with me the night JB pulled off that stunt.

‘I don’t want to put Mark in a difficult position by competing for his love. He hates to upset others and besides, he’s not good at making decision. If it were Jun.K-hyung, I’d just let him go and wish him happiness. Because I trust that Jun.K-hyung loves him and cherishes him as much as or even more than I do. 

‘But JB, no. He’s too self-centred and childish. He didn’t grow up from the breakup. He had broken Mark once and he can break him twice. I can’t let him take Mark away without putting up a fight.’

‘What if Mark-hyung really decides to return to Jaebum-hyung?’ Wonpil asked tentatively.

Jinyoung landed a slanted cut on the bacon, ‘then I’ll respect his decision.’

 

Mark went all out that day. Normally, when Jinyoung came over for dinner, they would just order delivery or Mark would whip up some salad, depending whether he needed to watch his weight for shoots. But today, Mark spent some time in the market to pick out ingredients when he could in fact play a couple more rounds of Overwatch. 

‘Wow, baby,’ Jinyoung exclaimed at the sight in front of him, ‘what’s the occasion?’

As a person who had no interest in cooking and no patience to wash dishes, Mark really performed well beyond Jinyoung’s expectation. The older prepared him a full course meal – kimchi jjigae, scrambled egg with onion, fried pork belly and assorted side dishes. All of them were Jinyoung’s favourite. 

‘Just enjoy the meal,’ Mark smiled faintly, ‘I spent quite some time preparing this.’  
‘I’ll make sure to lick the bowl clean,’ Jinyoung winked.

The pair ate in relative silence, except when Jinyoung complimented Mark’s culinary skills. Between the moment Jinyoung set foot in the apartment and the present, the older had refused to meet his eyes and shied away from his touches. Mark did not eat much but kept shoving food to Jinyoung’s already full bowl. 

Jinyoung had had some speculations when Mark said he would cook. The lavishness of the home-made meal made his heart sink deeper. And the negative body language solely confirmed his fear. Feigning ignorance of what was to come, Jinyoung obediently finished everything on the table without asking any question. 

 

‘Jinyoung, I –’

No matter how ready Jinyoung liked to believe he was, the moment of truth came too soon to his liking. He interrupted Mark with an urgent kiss. Mark’s citrusy scent flooded into Jinyoung’s nose as he tasted the sweetness of his honey lip balm. Jinyoung ran his fingers through the soft brown locks and relished in that sensation. He finally understood what it meant — the desire to become one. He gave in to the urge of melting into Mark’s soul and held the older impossibly close. Mark returned the kiss with equal passion until the lack of oxygen forced them apart.

‘Do you want to tell me something?’ Jinyoung asked, never one to evade the inevitable.  
Mark bit his lip and nodded.  
‘Go on,’ the actor smiled weakly, ‘I’m ready.’

Mark took a deep breath, ‘I want to tell you about Jaebum.’

 

‘I still dunno how I feel about Jaebum,’ Mark concluded after recounting his history, ‘Minjun-hyung said I should talk to Jaebum and patch things up with him. He told me to end this for good. What do you think?’

Mark looked at him like a puppy waiting for the owner’s approval. He kept licking and nibbling his lips which were already chapped from the constant assaults throughout the week. Jinyoung probably should feel honoured that Mark thought to consult him about that. But he was too preoccupied with the lurch on his heart. 

‘Does it matter what I think?’ Jinyoung chuckled bleakly.

‘Is this your way of telling me you don’t care?’ Mark gazed at Jinyoung with teary eyes, ‘I thought we’re together. I thought we mean something to you! Am I too naive to want to pursue a committed relationship with you?’

Jinyoung swore his heart almost stopped. He could not believe what he heard so he asked for confirmation with his wavering voice, ‘you want to pursue a committed relationship with me?’  
‘Yes,’ Mark bit his lip viciously to prevent it from quivering. 

Jinyoung burst into laughter of relief. He scooped Mark up and started swirling. Taken aback by the turn of event, Mark held onto the younger reflexively and rested his head on the crook of Jinyoung’s neck. 

‘I thought you’re ending us,’ Jinyoung admitted his mistake in bliss. Cute little whiskers evolved around his radiant eyes, ‘but you actually want a committed relationship with me!’

‘I hate you, Park Jinyoung!’ Mark shoved Jinyoung back onto the sofa. Tears formed previously shed for a different reason, ‘why would you think that? Do you actually want me to break up with you?’

‘I’m sorry, baby. Please don’t ever break up with me. You have no idea how much I worry about losing you.’ 

Jinyoung tried to pull Mark into his embrace but the older would not budge. He had not upset Mark that much for a long time. Luckily, he had some experience dealing with an extremely frustrated Mark. Jinyoung back hugged the older like a giant koala and nuzzled his face. But Mark still refused to look at him. 

‘Hyung,’ Jinyoung pouted, ‘Jinyoungie is sorry. Please don’t be mad. Jinyoungie will give hyung bobo.’

Jinyoung leaned in to steal kisses on Mark’s cheek. He could see those pink lips gradually curling upwards. As expected, Mark-hyung would never be immune to his level 99 aegyo. 

‘Are you like five years old?’ Mark remarked whilst turning to face Jinyoung.  
‘Jinyoungie can be three years old if hyungie wants.’  
‘Stupid kid,’ Mark rolled his eyes with a small smile, ‘sit down. We’re not done talking.’

‘Do we have to continue on JB?’ Jinyoung protested as he collapsed onto Mark’s lap.  
‘Yes, as Minjun-hyung said, I can’t run away from him. That won’t be good for our relationship.’  
Jinyoung knew that Jun.K-hyung was completely right, ‘I understand. So what do we do?’  
‘Like I said just now, I’ll patch things up with Jaebum so that I can truly get over him.’  
‘How? I hope you don’t mean going on dates with him.’  
‘You sound jealous,’ Mark pointed out slyly.

‘I _am_ jealous. You still dunno how you feel about him, for one,’ Jinyoung caressed Mark’s face with the back of his hand, ‘and for two, that guy is not gonna give up.’  
‘That’s why I need you to keep me on track. Will you do that for me?’  
‘Yes,’ Jinyoung sat up straight and answered without hesitation, ‘I’ll never let you go easily. I’ll make sure you fall deeper and deeper in love with me. I’ll constantly remind you who you belong with.’

Jinyoung rummaged in the pocket of his jacket to reveal a small velvet box. Mark’s reaction was amusing, Jinyoung thought. His eyes darted back and forth between Jinyoung and the box. He held onto Jinyoung’s hand very tightly but that did not make the older any less panicked. If it were any other day, the actor might do some impromptu acting just to mess with the model a little bit. 

‘Relax, baby,’ Jinyoung teased, ‘I don’t know you’re that eager to marry me. We’ll get to that point later.’  
Mark grimaced in relief, ‘you’re a jerk.’  
‘You want me to open it or?’  
Mark nodded.

A pair of exquisite earrings sat on the velvet cushion. Delicate blue sapphire studs spread artistically across the platinum hoops. The earrings were luxurious in a low profile manner, tying in with Mark’s personality. The pick fully reflected Jinyoung’s impeccable taste. 

‘Wow,’ Mark blinked quickly, ‘Jinyoung, this is too much. I can’t – I can’t accept them.’  
‘No gift is too much for you,’ Jinyoung beamed with indulgence, ‘can I help you put them on?’  
‘You sure?’  
‘Absolutely.’

‘You’re stunning,’ the younger pressed a kiss on Mark’s ear, ‘I like the idea of you wearing jewellery chosen by me.’  
‘You spoil me too much, Jinyoungie,’ Mark sighed whilst fiddling with the earring.  
‘Do you know why I go for sapphire?’  
Mark shook his head.

‘The apparent reason is that sapphire is our birthstone. But more significantly, sapphire symbolises a pledge of love. It strengthens bond, trust and commitment. Will you – I know this is hard but – will you wear them all the time?’

‘Yes Jinyoungie, I promise.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Another update this month! I hope you enjoy this chapter. For once I'm quite happy with the outcome ;P This chapter is inspired by Jun.K's 'Your Wedding'. As always, Jun.K's voice pulls your heartstring. Together with the heartfelt lyrics and amazing MV starring Nichkhun and Nayeon, this piece deserves wider recognition.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and please comment below <3
> 
> (Chapter title from Jun.K's 'Your Wedding')


	9. Everybody 123!

‘Mooorning,’ the way Bambam greeted him reminded Mark of Fred, no, George from Harry Potter.   
‘What?’ 

Mark felt somewhat defensive as the younger definitely would not have caught him and Jinyoung kissing. Perhaps Bambam thought he wore a black button-up shirt and tight black jeans to conceal hickeys or to impress Jinyoung. But the reason was actually more mundane. 

Today was the first day Mark returned to the office after the Markbum incident. Since the senior management might summon him, Mark did not want to turn up with his usual hoodie and sweatpants. 

‘Your earrings!’ Bambam suddenly closed the distance to fiddle with his earlobe, ‘Jinyoung-hyung bought them for you?’  
Mark nodded and his ears turned pink as he recalled the implication behind the piece of jewellery.

The maknae sighed dramatically, ‘I wish my future boyfriend had as good fashion sense as yours, hyung.’  
‘We’re not boyfriends,’ Mark turned his head and muttered.  
‘Huh? What do you mean you’re not boyfriends? You aren’t ditching Jinyoung-hyung for JB, are you?’  
‘No!’ Mark suddenly realised how his words must have sounded like, ‘Jinyoung and I are together but we aren’t officially boyfriends yet.’  
Bambam exhaled in relief.

‘Gyeomie has good fashion sense.’  
‘Hyung, if you don’t stop hinting at me and Yugyeom,’ Bambam threatened, ‘I’ll tell Jinyoung-hyung you keep praising another guy.’  
‘I did not —’  
‘And you will surely limp the day after.’

The pair arrived at JYP Modelling shortly afterwards. Since Peniel was away, his colleague Hyunsik helped Mark and Bambam with their schedules. The manager asked an assistant to bring in coffee so that they could pull through the long meeting.

‘So that’s it for New York Fashion Week and London Fashion Week,’ Hyunsik wrapped up the major part of the agenda.  
Bambam sprawled on the chair, ‘even though I love walking on the runway, that schedule sounds like a marathon.’  
‘Thank you so much for arranging, Hyunsik-ssi,’ Mark smiled courteously, ‘maybe we can move on to variety shows?’

‘Sure Mark-ssi,’ Hyunsik began, ‘your deals are a bit messy. “We Got Married” asked for you again but I declined them because you simply won’t be able to fit it into your hectic schedule. I tried to move “Running Man” around but it clashes with your shoot for Balenciaga. So in the end, I settled for “Celebrity Bromance”.’

‘May I ask who my partner is?’ Mark enquired about the most important thing.  
‘Since it’s their anniversary special, they decide to keep one of you in the dark.’  
Mark bit his lip.  
‘It’s not JB in case you’re worrying,’ Hyunsik assured with a soft smile.

The models left Hyunsik’s office in silence. On one hand, Mark was contemplating about ‘Celebrity Bromance’. Almost all of his celebrity friends had already been to the show so the uncertainty irked him to no end. On the other hand, Bambam was struck by a realisation.

‘I finally know why you maintain distance with Hyunsik-hyung.’  
Mark frowned at Bambam’s odd comment.  
‘He reminds you of JB.’

 

Bambam swore he was still mad at Yugyeom. Yet he could not stifle a little smile when he saw Yugyeom’s Audi approaching him in the car park. He climbed into the front seat without hesitation.

‘Yo man,’ Yugyeom tried to hype Bambam up. The model had been lukewarm to him since the Markbum incident.   
‘Hey.’

As if discouraged by Bambam’s noncommittal attitude, Yugyeom did not try to initiate small talks and let music fill the unsettling silence. His GOT playlist was on shuffle. When the first note of ‘Face’ rang, Yugyeom urgently reached for his phone to skip it. He did not want to get on Bambam’s bad side before they even got to talk.

‘Don’t skip it,’ Bambam finally said a full sentence to Yugyeom.

The pair arrived at their usual hangout place. They always visited that mall when they wanted to chill. Bambam strode into his favourite store and started picking clothes from the new arrival section. Yugyeom trailed after Bambam meekly until his queen decided to utter another word to him.

The model shoved a bunch of clothes at Yugyeom’s face, ‘try them on.’

Though astounded by Bambam’s instruction, Yugyeom obeyed his queen nonetheless. Yugyeom did not know how many items he had put on or how long he had spent in the changing room. He just knew that his face was burning because of Bambam’s undivided attention on him. 

‘Pack all of those please,’ Bambam said to the sales assistant politely.   
‘Certainly,’ the young lady replied, ‘that will be 2,852,700 won please. Would you like to pay by credit card?’  
‘You wanna use HSBC or American Express?’ Bambam looked at Yugyeom with an evil smile.

Yugyeom almost cried when he handed over his HSBC card. But what could he do with his queen’s orders? Nothing except to obey. He consoled himself that it had been a while since he renovated his wardrobe. Besides, Bambam had the best fashion taste in his opinion. It would not be a bad way of appeasement. 

‘Thank you very much! Please come again soon.’

With a heavy heart and several shopping bags, Yugyeom left the store with Bambam. 

‘Let’s go to the new cafe,’ the model suggested offhandedly, ‘I heard they serve really good chocolate sundae.’

The comment revived Yugyeom’s spirit. He really wanted to jump and kiss Bambam and maybe dance a little bit too.  
Bambam grinned at the younger’s beam, ‘you can’t dance here.’

 

‘I’m sorry for lashing out at you,’ Bambam tried his best to express himself in Korean, ‘but I’m not sorry that I was mad because you relayed information to JB.’   
‘You dunno how upset I was,’ Yugyeom whined, ‘how can you think that I befriend you to collect information?’  
‘Sorry man. I’ll pay for all your choco shake from now on.’  
‘And choco milk?’  
‘And choco milk.’

‘How’s Mark-hyung?’  
‘Mark-hyung was really upset. But he’s getting better now.’  
Yugyeom sighed in relief, ‘thank god. We never intend to hurt him.’  
‘But the harm is done,’ Bambam noted bluntly, ‘I really hope that JB can stop hurting him in the name of love.’  
‘Jaebum-hyung loves Mark-hyung,’ Yugyeom defended, ‘he really wants to make Mark-hyung happy.’

‘You know what, let’s leave the difficult stuff to the hyungs,’ Bambam said as a matter of fact, ‘we’re maknaes and maknaes shouldn't have to worry about their hyungs all the time!’  
‘Chu chu chu chu!’ Yugyeom cheered.  
‘Shut up, you’re annoying.’  
‘What?’  
‘Nothing, I like you.’

Yugyeom stabbed his chocolate sundae sulkily. That’s how Bambam was like. Mischievous. Full of surprises. With a big heart and a cheerful personality which made everyone fall in love with him. His queen could be ruthless in that sense. He probably said ‘I like you’ to all his friends. 

‘Hey, do you fancy anyone at the moment?’ Bambam asked while sipping his water melon frappe.

Chocolate sundae suddenly became more fascinating than Bambam’s lips. His heartbeat picked up its pace and he could feel blood rushing through his veins. Needless to say, his ears turned red almost instantly. 

‘Why are you asking this again all of a sudden?’ Yugyeom tried to dodge the question, though he found it unlikely that Bambam would let him off easily.  
The model shrugged, ‘Mark-hyung is being weird lately. He keeps suggesting that you have a crush on me or something.’  
Yugyeom choked on a slice of banana and his queen immediately patted his back.

‘I know right. It’s absolutely ridiculous,’ Bambam deadpanned, ‘we’re obviously good friends and you’re obviously – wait no, I’ve never asked you this. You’re straight right?’  
Yugyeom almost spilled the glass of water in his hand.  
‘Gyeom-ah, it’s time to grow up. There’s no need to be shy talking about sexual orientation.’  
‘That’s not it!’ Yugyeom protested, ‘why would you assume I’m straight? I’m bi!’  
‘Sorry man, my bad,’ Bambam patted his head, ‘it’s just you kept checking Tzuyu and Lisa out last time so I assumed.’

‘How about you?’ Yugyeom asked tentatively, ‘do you – are you seeing someone right now?’  
‘Nah, I don't date people from this business anymore.’  
Yugyeom’s heart dropped to the ground but he managed to put on a curious facade, ‘why? You’ve dated colleagues before?’  
‘Sort of, I actually went out with Ten and Mina a while back,’ Bambam replied with slight hesitance, ‘they’re great but dating celebrities is troublesome.’  
‘Oh.’

A rare moment of silence fell upon them. But the air was filled with unsettling energy. Yugyeom reckoned Bambam felt that too because his queen fidgeted on his seat and played with the straw.

‘Oh, look at the time,’ Bambam flashed Yugyeom a smile which did not reach his eyes, ‘I’ve got to pick up Latte from the vet.’  
‘So vet and then home?’   
‘Yep,’ Bambam beckoned for check, ‘this one is on me because I broke you man.’  
And Yugyeom could not agree more.

 

At home, Mark was holding a conversation with his Squirtle. He lay on the bed facing the Squirtle, who rested on Jinyoung’s usual spot. Although Mark knew that Bambam’s remark on Hyunsik was offhanded, he simply could not get it out of his head. 

‘Do I really keep distance from Hyunsik-ssi?’

Well, now that Bambam pointed it out, Mark realised he probably did. Otherwise, he would have asked Hyunsik-ssi if he could address him as hyung. 

‘But is that because of Jaebum? They don't resemble each other I suppose?’

No, Hyunsik-ssi and Jaebum did not look exactly alike. But their vibe and their smile. That must be it. The softness in Hyunsik-ssi’s smile.

_Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong._

Mark tsked in frustration. Everyone seemed to have developed a habit of showing up at his place uninvited. 

 

‘Surprise!’ 

Jae and Brian were in front of him with a big big smile. Mark squealed in pleasant surprise. He went on his tiptoe to give his tall friends a bone-crushing hug. 

‘Oh my god! Chicken Little and his boyfriend!’  
‘What’s good, Lil’ Cock?’  
‘Don’t call me that or I’ll spank you bitch.’  
‘Only I can spank him.’  
‘Selfish Bribri.’

‘Is your practice cancelled?’ Mark asked as he poured root beer for the couple.  
‘Nope, there’s simply no practice,’ Jae replied as a matter of fact, ‘just an excuse to give you a surprise, pabo.’  
Mark pouted, ‘what if I’m with other friends?’  
‘You mean Brian?’ Jae laughed heartily.   
‘Ouch,’ Mark pretended to be shot.   
‘Hurry up chickens,’ Brian called, ‘I’ve got Mario Kart set up.’

The three of them used to hang out when Mark was still a trainee in Studio J. Jae and Brian were important because they were one of the few people he could communicate with without any language barrier. Jae’s Californian accent always calmed him when he needed to pour his heart out. Besides, both Americans bonded over Battlegrounds, Fortnite and Overwatch. 

Spending time with Brian and Jae gave Mark a sense of ordinariness. He could laugh at Jae’s eccentric jokes which no one else found funny. He could hit Brian with the excuse that the youngest bullied him. He could sprawl all over them and make them listen to his rants. He could just be who he was – a 25-year-old Cali boy having fun with his mates.

‘Come on baby,’ Mark giggled in his hyper way, ‘I defeat the both of you. You’re buying dinner tonight.’  
‘Geez, you literally slay us,’ Jae rolled his eyes, ‘are you a human aimbot or something?’  
Brian remarked incredulously, ‘I’m not playing with you again, I swear.’  
‘Bribri says that every time,’ Mark laughed. 

The trio ordered delivery from the usual restaurant. Soon, the aroma of fried chicken and pepperoni pizza filled Mark’s apartment. 

Always the one to broach the more serious topics, Brian asked as they ate, ‘how are you holding up?’  
‘There’s no need to tell us you’re fine,’ Jae added, ‘you say that every time.’  
Mark huffed, ‘could’ve been better but I’m fine.’  
‘It’s Jaebum we’re talking about,’ Brian pointed out acutely, ‘the man who made you give up your idol career and flee back to the States.’

‘I’m gonna see him on Saturday,’ Mark looked at the slice of pizza, ‘I’ll patch things up with him and hopefully become friends again?’  
‘I must say I’m surprised,’ Brian admitted, ‘I thought you’d want to get back together.’  
‘But what you say is what we’ve been hoping to hear for four years,’ Jae assured.  
His boyfriend pressed, ‘are you feeling alright though? You know you don't have to pretend to be okay in front of us.’

A sweet smile evolved on Mark’s face. He felt so blessed to have such supportive friends, and of course, Jinyoung, ‘yes.’  
‘Hold on, I smell something fishy,’ Jae stared at him with scepticism, ‘are you hiding something important?’  
The youngest quickly connected the dots, ‘that actor! Jinyoung!’  
‘We aren’t exactly in a relationship,’ Mark confessed shyly, ‘but we’re together.’

‘Nailed it!’

Brian celebrated with his infamous math dance. Seeing the youngest in his element, Jae and Mark joined him and started doing sequences they learnt together in Studio J. Mark said Jae looked like a jellyfish when his long limbs went out of control. The comment cracked everyone up. The trio were drunk on laughter without tasting a drop of booze. 

Brian panted heavily but his smile did not waver, ‘you two are crazy. Your hair is a mess, Jae.’  
‘Who cares?’ Jae chuckled, knowing his hair resembled a bird nest.

Mark exclaimed with a carefree smile, ‘I feel good, baby!’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark has suffered too much so I decide to send Jae and Brian to boost his mood. Who do you think is Mark's partner in Celebrity Bromance? Make your guess!
> 
> Thanks for reading ;)
> 
> (Chapter title from DAY6's 'Dance Dance')


	10. On and On and On

Saturday night in Seoul.

Flickers of light faded as the midnight approached. The winter wind was gentle but enough to cause a ring of ripples on the Han River. It was so far the warmest night in the new year. Perhaps Seoul was on the brink of spring. 

Mark sat on the bench, waiting for Jaebum’s arrival. He had thought he would at least be anxious about confronting the younger. To his surprise, however, he was not even biting his lips or fiddling with his sapphire earring.

‘Markeu.’

The model looked up from his shoes to find Jaebum standing right in front of him. Jaebum’s gaze was too intense for his liking. His heart fluttered for a fraction of second before resuming its steady pace. 

Mark patted the spot next to him to avoid further eye contact. The younger sat so close to him that he could faintly feel his body warmth and their thighs almost touched. Mark inched slightly towards the edge of the bench but Jaebum’s sensual scent remained prominent. 

‘Jaebum, did you love me?’

Mark asked lightly and softly, as though the words did not bear any weight. Perhaps it was because he only needed an answer. Affirmative or not, it could mean the same — the closure he had sought belatedly. 

‘I love you.’

The reply did not make Mark feel better or worse, contrary to his expectation. He knew Jaebum was gauging his facial expression which at the moment indicated nothing but neutrality. 

‘Thanks,’ Mark blurted out.  
Jaebum smiled bitterly, ‘thanks?’  
‘Thanks.’

With the horizon having faded into the night, the sky blended with the river seamlessly. Mark had once imagined how it would be to stargaze with Jaebum. But he definitely did not foresee the moment to come four years after their breakup. 

‘I’ve never felt so strongly about a person in my life. And I doubt if anyone can rival you. You probably can’t imagine it but your name alone makes my stomach churn. 

‘I dunno since when loving you is like holding a blade in my hand. I’ve tried so hard to love you. To the point that I allow myself to hurt, to bleed and to scar. After you broke up with me, I refused to admit that I was still holding that blade, in fact, more tightly than ever. 

‘I felt so ashamed of myself. For loving you even after you broke my heart and indirectly made me give up everything in Korea. So I wanted to hide it. I made the wound larger and buried the blade deeper. Until it almost merged into my flesh. Since then, I dare not hold another person’s hand. I’m scarred and torn and unworthy. Not to mention I may hurt them with that blade.’

Jaebum held Mark’s hands as though he was praying for forgiveness. A lone, desperate tear escaped the corner of Jaebum’s eye. The older would wipe it away if he could. It was as much his fault as Jaebum’s.

‘Jaebum, I don’t blame you. In fact, I have no right to blame you. If I had confided in you about my issues, you wouldn’t feel so insecure and helpless. It’s my choice not to tell you I had ulcer and back problems. It’s my choice not to stay in Studio J. It’s my choice not to let go of you. I hope you can forgive me too.’

‘Markeu —’

‘There’s this person. He’s not repelled by my horrendous wound. He generously offers me his care, understanding and patience. I want to cure myself and give him a healthy me.’

Jaebum pulled the older into his arms and kissed him. Mark quickly recovered from the start and let the intensity sweep him away. Jaebum was trying to tell him so many things at one go. He felt remorseful for hurting Mark. He wanted to apologise and offer solace. He needed to make amends. Most important of all, Im Jaebum loved Mark Tuan.

‘I’ve loved you too. But it’s time for me to stop loving you,’ Mark brushed away Jaebum’s fringe, ‘move on, Jaebum. There are better people out there who can make you happy. I want to see you happy. As a friend.’

‘You’re my happiness, Yien,’ Jaebum held his shoulders and looked at him with fiery determination, ‘I don't care if there are better people out there. They are not Mark Tuan, my muse, my companion, my soulmate. We might have once fallen apart but it doesn't change the fact that you’re the only one I ever want!’

‘I’ m with Jinyoung.’

 

GOT had been practising the new choreography for two consecutive hours with no water break. Youngjae counted themselves lucky that the sequences were not as physically taxing or technically demanding as ‘Hard Carry’. Otherwise, he would be lying in an ambulance instead of catching his breath on the dance floor.

‘Yugyeom, show me your solo part,’ Jaebum ordered, ‘Youngjae, take a break.’

Youngjae partially knew why Jaebum squeezed them so hard that day. Their dance machine had been underperforming recently. He kept forgetting steps and his movements had no edge at all. 

Yugyeom really had it bad for Bambam, Youngjae sighed. He hadn’t been that messed up when Tzuyu rejected him during their trainee years. But now, Bambam merely said he no longer dated celebrities and he was already like that. Youngjae could not imagine how devastated the maknae would be if the Thai really turned him down. 

‘What the fuck, Kim Yugyeom?’

Jaebum’s furious bellow snapped Youngjae out of his trance. His leader grabbed Yugyeom’s collar but the maknae did not back away. Indignation and aggressiveness oozed from their meeting gazes. 

The 96-liner leapt to his feet to keep the two larger men apart. The last thing they needed was GOT turning up in public with broken nose and swollen cheek. 

‘Your teenage lovesickness isn’t everything,’ the leader growled, ‘where’s your professionalism, huh? You have an obligation to the team and to ahgases.’  
Yugyeom scoffed, ‘you aren’t setting a good example to me, leader-nim.’  
‘Mind your words kid,’ Jaebum’s feline eyes narrowed like a tiger ready to lash out, ‘do you talk to your senior like that?’  
‘You always say this when you can’t win by reasoning,’ the youngest spat, ‘don’t take it out on us when Mark-hyung doesn't take your shit.’

Youngjae’s eyes widened with fear. This could really set Jaebum-hyung off, ‘go get some choco shake, Gyeom.’  
The maknae cast him a venomous look without moving.  
‘Go!’  
Yugyeom complied but showed his dissatisfaction by slamming the door. 

‘What happened, hyung?’ Youngjae said urgently while Jaebum was drinking water, ‘I know Gyeomie is not at his best but there’s no need to be so harsh.’  
The leader closed his eyes. Now that he had cooled his head a bit, he realised he had taken it out on Yugyeom indeed.  
‘Is it something to do with Mark-hyung?’

Jaebum let out a heavy sigh without uttering a word. He did not want to talk about it. He had yet to come to terms with the fact that Mark was with Park Jinyoung. So he took gulps and gulps of water as if he was downing a bottle of Vodka. 

Youngjae sighed heavily, wishing Jackson-hyung were with them at that moment. Handling people in love was so difficult, especially when he lacked experiences in that faculty. They became testy, unreasonable and demotivated. The situation exacerbated when there were two of them. 

‘Take a break, hyung,’ Youngjae patted Jaebum’s back, ‘you’ve been dancing non-stop.’

Youngjae promptly spotted Yugyeom’s yellow hair in the company cafeteria. The giant maknae was sipping choco shake with a sulky face. The 96-liner suddenly felt as though he was playing adolescent counsellor in a K-drama.

‘Hey man,’ Youngjae nudged at Yugyeom, ‘you alright?’  
‘Jaebum-hyung is unfair,’ the maknae murmured, ‘he is mad about Mark-hyung but he doesn't allow me to be mad about Bambam.’  
‘He feels sorry for snapping at you. But he’s right that you must bring your best performance as an artist.’  
Yugyeom nodded curtly, ‘is he alright?’  
‘I dunno,’ Youngjae sighed for the umpteenth time, ‘I think Mark-hyung may have rejected him.’

 

GOT ended up cutting the dance practice short. To boost his teammates’ morale, Youngjae treated them a good meal at their usual restaurant. Even though Jaebum and Yugyeom had reconciled, the trio finished their dinner in depressive silence. It gave Youngjae a sense of deja vu when they had been haunted by Mark’s sudden departure. 

Youngjae could not look forward to Jackson’s return from Hong Kong more. He decided to cuddle with Coco in the living room. Jackson-hyung might not be the best counsellor but he definitely offered thoughtful comments and lifted people’s spirits. 

‘Youngjae-ah, sleep in your bed.’

‘Jackson-hyung,’ Youngjae rubbed his eyes groggily, ‘I miss you so damn much.’  
‘I miss you too sunshine. Is that why you’re napping in the living room?’ the older giggled, obviously pleased with the attention.  
Youngjae sighed, ‘I need to talk to you about Jaebum-hyung and Yugyeomie.’

The 96-liner really could not keep it in longer. He gave Jackson a detailed account of the antics of Jaebum-hyung and Yugyeomie. Well, mostly Jaebum-hyung. The older had stayed out last night and came back all soaked by the morning drizzle. Youngjae swore he could almost die from the alarming level of depression and passive aggressiveness in the dorm. 

Jackson was not too worried about Yugyeom and Bambam. They still needed more time to get to know each other. And besides, Yugyeom hadn’t really pursued the Thai model. It was too early to say that Bambam definitely would not go out with him. But Jaebum, well, tricky. 

‘Hey you alright man?’ Jackson sat down next to his leader on the bed.  
Jaebum paid Jackson no mind and continued to scratch Kunta’s tummy.  
‘C’mon, hyung,’ he pulled Jaebum into a headlock, ‘I always give you good advice on Mark, don’t I?’  
Kunta meowed to fill the silence.  
‘There’s no use sulking. You don’t get him back that way.’  
‘You tell me what to do then,’ Jaebum snapped.

Jackson frowned as he caught a whiff of Irish Whiskey. His leader looked really worn out with those bloodshot eyes and dark circles. Even his moustache began to pop out.

‘Talk to us. Tell us what happened. We’re very worried about you.’  
‘I’m sorry,’ the leader jutted his chin, ‘I should not affect the team.’  
Jackson sighed, ‘you know I don’t mean it that way.’

‘Mark has a boyfriend now. He doesn’t want me anymore.’

After hearing Jaebum’s recap, Jackson must admit that the situation deteriorated quickly. The last time they heard, that Park Jinyoung was still pursuing Mark and even tried to scare Jaebum-hyung away, which meant he was unsure how much Mark liked him. Things seemed odd, Jackson thought.

‘What did Mark tell you before he wants to stay as your friend?’  
‘Aish, Jacks, really?’  
‘This is important, hyung,’ Jackson frowned with seriousness.  
‘“There are better people out there who can make you happy.”’  
‘No, before that.’  
‘“I’ve loved you too. But it’s time for me to stop loving you”,’ Jaebum’s heart lurched every time he recalled that.  
‘That’s it! The key to Mark’s heart!’ Jackson clapped at the epiphany, ‘he still loves you, hyung!’  
Jaebum sighed wearily. He could not see how Jackson came to that conclusion.

‘He basically told you that he can’t stop loving you! If he really doesn’t feel anything for you, he’ll just say “I don’t love you anymore.” But he said it’s time for him to stop loving you. That means he knows he still has feelings for you. He wants them to go away but emotionally he can’t do that. So he has to make himself do that by telling _himself_ to stop loving you. Get it?’

‘Even if your speculations are right, that doesn't explain Park Jinyoung!’

The younger wanted to roll his eyes. He could not understand how this dumbass got Mark in the first place, ‘he’s with Park Jinyoung because that guy is really sweet and takes good care of him. He doesn't have to worry about getting hurt. Mark never said he is with Park Jinyoung because he loves him.’

‘What should I do then?’ the bud of hope was revived in Jaebum’s chest.  
Jackson smirked, mischief and confidence glinting in his eyes. 

‘I have the perfect game plan for you, hyung.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this to celebrate GOT7's comeback! 'Lullaby' is lit and I'm really glad that they did English, Chinese and Spanish versions too. Really impressed with Mark's first solo track. He is definitely on his way to doing better and better music.
> 
> Let's keep streaming ;)
> 
> (Chapter title from Mark's 'OMW')


	11. You’re My Playground

Two days after the fallout with Jaebum, Mark headed to the States for New York Fashion Week. He spent four hectic weeks there with Bambam and Hyunsik. Since arriving at JFK, the models did not have a single day off and worked through the fully booked schedule — photo shoots, commercial shootings, interviews, castings, fittings and most importantly, rehearsals for NYFK.

The model finished the NYFK with immense success. Opening for Dolce & Gabbana, Mark immediately garnered the attention of designers and media. Many looked forward to his walk for Kenzo and Saint Laurent on the second day, and Y-3 on the third. His appearances surely did not disappoint. When he opened and closed for Balenciaga at the end of the week, the audience went viral. A lot of reporters covered this up-and-coming Asian beauty.

Mark and Bambam then flied to UK for London Fashion Week. Unlike the Thai, who was booked by multiple big names, Mark walked exclusively for Burberry. Hyunsik originally planned for the model to recharge a bit but because of his success in NYFK, Mark ended up taking a few ad-hoc interview offers.

Mark looked forward to returning to Korea. While the model went overseas, Jinyoung started filming for a new production in the rural part of Seoul. The couple barely had time to call or FaceTime each other. Though the older would not admit it to Bambam, he actually missed Jinyoung a lot.

On his only day off, Mark drove three hours to visit the actor on set. Even though he was exhausted as hell, Jinyoung’s radiant beam was worth it. The pair had lunch at a nearby family restaurant. It was nothing fancy but Mark felt really content just being with Jinyoung. Unfortunately, the model could not stay the night because he had to do Celebrity Bromance the next morning.

 

‘Relax Mark, this is not a blind date.’

Hyunsik joked as he accompanied the model into the TV station. Since their stay overseas, Mark had tried his best to coax information about his partner out of the substitute manager — bribing him with coffee, blackmailing him with ugly photos and of course, aegyo. But unlike Peniel, Hyunsik would not give in easily.

‘I feel worse than going on a blind date,’ the model grimaced.

The PD-noona waved at them in front of the studio. Even though Mark could not see her face clearly, her bubbly personality was evident even from a far. It was nice working with easy-going people, he thought. Maybe Celebrity Bromance was not that bad of a job.

‘Good morning, Mark-oppa! Nice to see you again!’  
Mark could not help but gasp when he recognised the familiar face, ‘Dahyun! Why — how come —’  
‘Well, let’s just say that I work better as a PD than an idol,’ the petite girl winked.  
‘I bet you are! Celebrity Bromance is one of the most popular variety shows on YouTube.’  
‘I’m glad that you approve. You ready for the show?’  
‘I wasn’t but I guess I’m pumped now!’

The crew of the show was amazing. Mark clicked with other PDs, writers, assistants, stylists and makeup artists. Their lively chattering got the model out of his shell in an instant. To Mark’s surprise, the usual anxiety about speaking in front of the camera did not surface.

‘To start off, please introduce yourself and tell us something about your celebrity friends,’ Dahyun began.

‘Hi, I’m Mark. I’ve worked as a model in Seoul for three years but I’m around for seven years now. I come from LA originally so quite a number of my friends actually speak English. Bambam is my best friend in the agency. Jae and Bri — I mean YoungK from DAY6. Amber, who’s also from LA. Jiminnie from 15&. And then I met Taehyung, Eunwoo and Minhyuk at photo shoots and promotional campaigns. Yeah, that’s pretty much it.’

Dahyun gave him a thumbs up and continued, ‘do you have any idea who’s gonna be here today?’  
‘I’ve actually plastered my manager-hyung about it,’ Mark pouted, ‘he wouldn’t breath a word.’  
The girl chortled, ‘have a guess then.’  
‘I’ll go for Taehyung. He said in an interview that he wants to do this show wi —’

A human-sized Pikachu appeared out of nowhere and started dragging Mark off. The model was beyond stunned. If the crew hadn’t looked so calm, he would have thought it was a sasaeng fan. The Pikachu led him through the hallways and brought him to another studio.

‘Taehyung, I swear I’ll hit you if you scare me,’ Mark giggled nervously.

The room was completely dark. He could not see anything but he could faintly sense the Pikachu walking away from him. His level of vigilance soared until soft music started to fade in.

_Ooh ooh, ooh_  
_When I was young, it helped me build my dreams_  
_My small playground that was my_  
_Everything in my young world_

The tune sounded really familiar. Even more so for the voice.

_My own world in the old photos_  
_The wonderland in my memories_  
_That I dreamed of and played in_

Mark’s heartbeat picked up its pace.

_Now I’m an adult_  
_So will you be my dream now?_  
_I want to stay by your side and run around and play_

Lights illuminated the studio gradually as a man in Squirtle onesie walked towards him.

_You are my playground, playground, playground_  
_In your heart,_  
_Will I find that dream that I lost as a child?_

Mark could feel tears forming in his eyes. It couldn’t be…

_You are my playground, playground, playground_  
_I’ll find a love_  
_That is better than the one in my fantasies_  
_You are my playground_

Jackson.

‘On 3 July 2011, Jackson Wang met Mark Tuan in Studio J. You were chatting with Brian in the hallway. You flashed me a gentle smile. I swear we both fell in love at first sight. I just asked for your name and started talking randomly. I told you I had no choice for dinner other than bulgogi because I couldn’t take any spicy food. Then you treated me ice cream in the convenience store nearby. You said you just wanted to cheer me up.’

Mark burst into tears hearing Jackson recounting every detail of their encounter. The younger should have forgotten about all this. About him. Because even if Jackson did remember him, the trauma should outweigh their happy memories. He had abandoned Jackson to struggle on his own. He had left Jackson without saying goodbye. He had failed Jackson as a best friend.

He simply did not deserve to be remembered by Jackson.

‘From then on, Mark and Jackson spent more nights eating ice cream, sneaking outside to ride skateboards and chatting until we fell asleep on each other. You caught me in your arms when I stumbled. You patched me up when I hurt myself. You lifted me up when I felt hopeless. Without you, there won’t be Jackson from GOT.’

Jackson said to Mark with iconic Squirtle smile and shimmering eyes.

‘I don’t care you’ve been away for the past four years. I just want my best friend back. Will Markachu return to Wang Squirtle?’

Mark could not handle the younger’s earnest gaze so he turned away from him. Tears kept streaming down his cheeks. His attempt to calm down was futile. Because he experienced them again. The unexplainable sense of familiarity, mutual understanding and unconditional support he had felt at 10pm on 3 July 2011.

The emotions weighed Mark down literally. Burying his face in his lap, he cried as if no cameras were around. Jackson pulled the model to his chest and stroked his hair tenderly. Mark shifted around to find the most comfortable position in Jackson’s embrace. All like the old times.

‘Don’t cry, Markiepooh,’ the younger cooed, ‘I’m your energy.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short and fluffy chapter on Markson reunion! The filming of Celebrity Bromance will continue in next chapter. We'll probably see more Markson interactions. What is Jackson's game plan for JB? Tell me what you think!
> 
> The idea of the surprise is from GOT7's 'Confession Song' MV. The translated lyrics of 'Playground' are from [this video](www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRGfkW9q7-E). And Jackson's monologue is from GOT2DAY 2016 episode 19. 
> 
> (Chapter title from GOT7's 'Playground')


	12. 1:31AM

The camera stayed on Markson’s close-up, documenting each second of the rejuvenated friendship. The staff were all mesmerised by the best friends’ raw emotions. No one seemed to remember that they were filming ‘Celebrity Bromance’.

Mark cried in hysteria as though he had to purge every drop of remorse in his soul. He was shaking from hiccups and started to feel a little dizzy. Jackson drew soothing circles on the back of his hand to keep him grounded.

‘I am sorry.’

The older apologised in English, their first language. He never thought he would actually have the opportunity to say it to Jackson. He had not known how much the three words affected him until they rolled out of his lips. It felt like —

Catharsis.

‘I — I’m so sorry. 對不起. I’m sorry.’

Jackson smiled fondly at the model. He used to want an apology from Mark, and maybe an explanation too. But now when his best friend said it, the rapper realised he did not need it.

He had never needed it.

 

December 30, 2013.

Dim streetlights cast a gentle glow at Mark’s silhouette.

The sight was devastatingly ethereal. Mark looked so sad, almost sorrowful. He was sobbing quietly into the plushie Squirtle, the one Jackson gave him over Christmas. His small frame quivered due to the harsh coldness of December night. Jackson could have reached his best friend with a few strides, but he didn’t. He suddenly lost the courage to get closer to Mark. He was afraid that the older would disappear. His fear frightened him.

Jackson did not know how long he had stood there, staring at Mark. It felt as though the chilly weather had frozen time. But the gush of wind said otherwise. 

He suddenly realised that he, too, was crying.

He wiped away his tears with his sleeve hastily and sat down next to Mark. His best friend had probably heard his sniffles because he did not jolt when Jackson pulled him into his lap.

‘Gaga, I’m so tired.

‘I haven’t been able to sleep for the entire week because my back hurts so badly. I tried to take more painkillers but they hurt my stomach. I kept pushing myself yet Jaebum wouldn’t even meet my eyes. 

‘Every morning, when I look in the mirror, I ask myself — why am I doing this to myself? Because I want to become an idol? Because I want to debut with you guys? Because I want to stand on the same stage with Jaebum who he doesn’t even give a shit?’

Jackson held Mark tighter as if that could prevent his best friend from shattering. He wanted to wrap Mark up with a fluffy blanket. Lay him down at a fireplace. Make him hot chocolate with loads of marshmallows. Yet none of those could take Mark’s pain away.

‘I feel like I’m a stupid clown who dreams of becoming a star. Jaebum says I have no talent. I can’t compose music like him. My rap is not as powerful as yours. I don’t have Yugyeomie’s sense as a dancer. Youngjae’s around for the shortest but I can already see a star in him.

‘The only thing I can do is martial art tricking but now I can’t even do that well. Hell, I will never be able to do that well again. All the pain — all the suffering — they are my punishment for trying to become someone I’m not meant to become.’

Jackson pressed an urgent kiss on top of the older’s head. His heart was beating uncomfortably fast as though Mark’s words had activated a tide of frantic energy inside him. He knew his face must look contorted because he did not have another way to stop his tears. 

‘Ssh, that’s not true,’ Jackson faltered, ‘that’s not true.’  
Mark shook his head, ‘Jaebum is right about me. I’m not born to be a star.’

‘You’re the moon to us stars.’

 

January 5, 2014.

Jackson could barely function when he landed at Incheon Airport. He usually recharged extra effectively after spending time with his parents and eating all the Tai Pai Dong food. But apparently, the five-day trip back home did not do the job. Right now, the Hongkonger only wanted to sleep in that bunk bed he shared with Mark.

That’s why he fumbled with his stuff a bit when his phone rang.

‘Woah, leader-nim, this is the first time you remember when I’m coming back.’  
‘Tsk, JYP PD-nim wants to see us asap. My dad is driving me.’  
‘I thought you’re not going home?’ Jackson began to walk briskly, ‘did he say what’s it about?’  
‘No, but it sounds urgent. I gotta call the others now.’  
‘Okay, see you at the company.’

When Jackson finally made it on the train, the memory of his recent conversation with Mark hit him out of the blue. That frantic energy sprang back to life. He wanted to run and see his best friend and hear his soothing voice. As Jackson debated whether to call Mark, who was probably rushing to the company, exhaustion overcame him.

Everyone was there when Jackson arrived, except Mark.

‘I can’t find Markeu,’ Jaebum grabbed his arm as soon as their eyes met, ‘do you know where he is?’  
Blood drained from Jackson’s face, ‘he hasn’t replied my texts for a few days.’  
‘PD-nim will see you now,’ JYP’s secretary informed.  
Yugyeom whispered to Youngjae, ‘but Mark-hyung —’

JYP looked up from the papers with a solemn expression. The atmosphere was so tense that one tiny spark could blow up the entire building.

‘I have some very bad news for you guys.

‘Mark has quit the training programme for health reasons. He says he can’t carry on in this business with such severe back pain and ulcer problem. His doctor has advised him to refrain from overexertion. A more relaxed environment is better for his recovery. I’ve tried to change his mind but he’s adamant about it. 

‘He went back to LA last night. He is sorry for leaving without a proper goodbye. But he says he wouldn’t be able to follow through his decision if you guys were there. He has a letter for each of you. 

‘He hopes that his GOT members will become the brightest stars.’

Jackson understood every word but somehow he could not process them. The room seemed to be out of oxygen. His fingertips were tingling when the letter reached his hand. Beads of sweat condensed on his forehead rapidly as if he had just stolen a bite of Mark’s extra spicy ramyeon.

‘It’s impossible. We’re so close to debut. Mark-hyung promised to take me to skydive for our first anniversary. He never breaks a promise. He’ll come back, won’t he? He just misses home. Right, that must be the case.’

Youngjae pulled the rambling maknae into his arms. For someone as loud as Youngjae, his quiet sobs posed a heartbreaking contrast. It was as though sadness had overpowered the sunshine in him.

‘Jaebum, I need to talk to you for a second,’ said JYP.

Jackson closed the door on an autopilot mode. His brain was still in flux. He could vaguely hear Yugyeom and Youngjae murmuring his best friend’s name. He stared at the letter for a second too long before opening it with unsteady hands.

> My best friend Jackson,
> 
> I’m sorry for leaving you like this. You’ll probably never forgive me. I owe you a lot of things. A proper goodbye, apology, explanation, trust, support, best friend. The list can go on forever. Thank you for tolerating my no jam personality. You’ve made my days so much brighter, cheesy as it is. Thank you for staying with me for the past few years. Without you, I wouldn’t have made it this far. Thank you for becoming my best friend. You can be any one’s best friend but you’ve chosen me. I will forever be grateful about that.
> 
> Gaga, you are destined to become the star of stars. You’re smart. You’re humble. You’re diligent. Most important of all, you have the most ardent fire I’ve ever seen. Whatever you do, please remember you always have Markiepooh’s support.
> 
> I’m your energy, just as you mine.
> 
> Mark

 

‘I don’t need an apology.’

Yes, the absence of Mark had left a void in Jackson’s chest. He had blamed Mark for leaving them irresponsibly. He had spent hours in the gym to escape from Markson’s room. He had even finished an entire bowl of extra spicy ramyeon Mark had left behind to sweat away his bitterness. At the end of the day, however, he always prayed that his best friend would come back.

‘I just need you to stay by my side,’ said Jackson, ‘because you’re my energy too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to Jinyoung and Yugyeom's cover on 1:31AM and I thought Jackson probably felt the same when Mark left him... 
> 
> Sorry for the short update as I was struggling with the story. But I've started writing the next chapter so hopefully I will see you again soon!
> 
> (Chapter title from JB and Youngjae's '1:31AM')


	13. Swimming All Day

The anniversary special of Celebrity Bromance was aired during GOT’s ‘Look’ comeback promotion. Markson broke the record of the show with 1M views within the first 24 hours. The popularity of this ship brought them loads of CF invitations. One of them was Fritz, the ad they were shooting now. It gave Jackson plenty opportunities to spend time with Mark. The rapper had made sure to bring up Jaebum-hyung every now and then, with sprinkles of Yugyeom, Youngjae and even Mama Im to achieve optimum results of ‘boiling the frog’.

After ‘boiling’ Mark for a month, the older no longer experienced stomachache as Jackson talked about his leader. His face would not turn pale when Jackson told him how much the maknaes missed him. The model even asked for updates on his teammates. It was time to up the game.

‘Argh!’

The rapper yelped when a hand grabbed his fringe as if pulling out cabbage. His deadpanned expression probably looked funny because Mark was giggling with his canine out. It was difficult to stay mad when his hyung revealed his childish side. Plus, it was a pleasant change to Mark’s recent melancholia.

‘You’re lucky you’re cute, Mark Tuan.’

Around them, crew members already started packing and the PD was talking to Mark’s manager. His hyung was indeed a pro, Jackson thought. He didn’t expect him to finish the solo shoot that soon.

‘I’ve called your name at least five times,’ the model grimaced, ‘what are you thinking about? Your grin is really smug, you know?’  
‘Nothing much, just the time you drunkenly twer –’  
Mark clasped Jackson’s mouth urgently, ‘oh my gosh, another word and no cheese ramen for you!’

‘Can I have cheese ramen with 3 extra slices please?’ Jackson grinned sheepishly.  
The kind shop owner chuckled, ‘of course, and you Mark?’  
Mark stared at his phone without responding.  
‘Hyung? Mark-hyung? Hello?’  
‘Oh, sorry, um, I’ll have – um – bibimbap please.’

Jackson was concerned about his well-being. He knew that Mark struggled with insomnia lately. The older zoned out a lot when he was not working. Without any makeup, the rapper could clearly see his dark circles and slightly sunken cheeks.

‘Is everything alright?’ Jackson asked while massaging Mark’s nape.  
The model looked up from his phone, ‘yeah.’  
‘You know you can talk to me right?’  
‘Of course,’ Mark flashed him a feeble smile, fiddling with his sapphire earring, ‘I’m just tired is all.’

Food arrived soon after and the pair ate in relative silence. Jackson tried to focus on how delicious the bowl of cheese ramen was. But it annoyed him that Mark kept glancing at his phone for notifications.

‘Whose texts are you actually waiting for?’  
‘Sorry,’ the older bit his lip and put the phone away.  
A pang of guilt hit Jackson when he saw the gleam in Mark’s eyes, ‘I mean you don’t have to keep me company if you’re in a hurry.’  
‘Sorry Jacks. It’s just – Jinyoung hasn’t texted me for a while.’

Now that was unexpected.

‘Sorry, this is stupid. I’m acting like a lovesick teenager,’ Mark chuckled bitterly, ‘he’s probably just busy.’  
‘When did he last text you?’  
‘Maybe two weeks ago?’

Jackson gasped as a recent news article popped into his head. The tagline had been straight to the point – “[BREAKING] Nation’s first love Park Jinyoung dates co-star Shin Yeeun”. The report was not taken seriously because the photos were blurry. Also, the news agency was notorious for exaggeration.

‘You think he’s really two-timing you with Shin Yeeun?’

‘No, I don’t believe the dating rumour. Jinyoung is a man of integrity. He won’t cheat on me even if we aren’t official yet. I’m just – I’m just scared, Gaga. I’m afraid he’s giving up on me. Jinyoung is a responsible person. He used to tell me beforehand if he’s too busy to text, because he knows I’ll overthink otherwise. Now that he disappears on me, how can I not —’ his hyung started to choke up.

Jackson caressed the back of Mark’s hand with his thumb. Though the model was unaware, his fear for silence was in fact the aftermath of Jaebum-hyung’s silent treatment. Years of pining served his leader right, Jackson thought.

‘Anyway,’ Mark put a piece of meat into Jackson’s bowl, pretendingf nothing had happened, ‘how’s your comeback promotion?’

‘Exhausting but extremely rewarding! Jaebum-hyung and Yugyeomie almost cried when we snatched first place yesterday. And Youngjae is really excited to perform “Hesitate” on tomorrow’s show. Oh, hyung, I’m turning 24 soon! I want you to come to my birthday dinner. Nothing big, nothing fancy.

‘Just all of us together.’

 

When Jackson opened the door to his dorm, he thought a hidden camera prank was underway. Yugyeom pressed his ear to Jaebum-hyung’s bedroom door. Youngjae even used a glass cup to amplify sounds. Whatever noises their leader was making must be mortifying. Yugyeom flushed so much that he could combust any second. Jackson’s eyes twinkled with mischief as he tiptoed towards the maknaes.

‘Where’s the camera?’ the rapper whispered with a cheshire grin.

Youngjae hit his chest with a thud and mouthed ‘no camera’. Yugyeom gestured wildly to explain the situation. Jaebum-hyung took a nap after fansign. Later, the maknaes heard him moan and wanted to check on him. And they heard –

‘M-Markeu – fuck – bunny, you want it? Want me to come inside you?’

Jackson choked on his saliva. He looked at the maknaes incredulously and the pair gave him an affirmation. Jaebum-hyung was having a wet dream of Mark-hyung! Holy shit!

‘Almost there bunny –’

To prevent himself from screaming, Youngjae bit into his fist.  
Jackson exclaimed in hush, ‘thought Jaebum-hyung would prefer kitten over bunny.’  
‘Maybe Mark-hyung asks for it?’ Yugyeom suggested with a smirk.

‘Gonna make you pregnant with my babies –’

Jaebum’s words became really slurred as he chased his high in dream. The sleeping man growled audible enough that the trio no longer needed to strain their ears. After a particularly loud cry, the room returned to silence.

Youngjae asked in disbelief, ‘did he just –’  
‘Yes he came, sunshine,’ Jackson confirmed.  
‘Lights on!’ Yugyeom silent screamed, ‘run!’

The trio fled to Youngjae’s room just before Jaebum opened the door. Whilst the oldest showered in oblivion, his dongsaengs plotted to make the most of this blackmail material.

‘Jaebum-hyung,’ Jackson used his aegyo voice, ‘will you buy us dinner at the new shabu-shabu place?’  
‘Hyung,’ Yugyeom pouted, ‘please.’  
‘Yes or yes, hyung,’ Youngjae looked at him with anticipation.

Jaebum’s defence mechanism against dongsaengs activated immediately. His chin jutted as he assessed the situation. Normally, Youngjae would not side with Jackgyeom that overtly. The kids must have collected some significant information. But Jaebum would not succumb to evil power that easily.

‘We can go to that restaurant but you pay for your own meal, Jacks.’  
‘You’ll regret this, Jaebum-hyung.’  
‘Yah! Choi Youngjae!’  
‘Let’s go, Yugyeom. Show leader-nim our bargaining chips!’

Yugyeom took a deep breath to suppress his laughter. Teasing Jaebum-hyung was serious, as serious as Hit the Stage.

‘Fuck – M-Markeu – ride me harder. Yes, fuck, bunny! You’re so wet. Like a rabbit in heat.’

Jaebum tackled the youngest into the sofa, attempting to shut him up. Jackson really admired Yugyeom for his professional performance. Despite life-threatening circumstances, he continued to moan ‘bunny’ and ‘Markeu’. Youngjae cackled happily until he was attacked by the leader too.

‘Hyung, buy us shabu-shabu,’ Jackson shouted while holding onto the edge of the false ceiling.  
‘Wang Jackson!’  
‘Or I’ll tell Mark-hyung you wanna make him pregnant with your babies!’

Jaebum admitted defeat. Dongsaengs were vicious creatures. Whether they looked as innocent as Choi Youngjae, or as evil as Wang Jackson, once they smelled blood, they would devour even the last bit of their hyung’s flesh.

‘Deal.’

On the way to the shabu-shabu place, the youngest continued to tease their leader about his wet dream. Jaebum could not help but complain.

‘This is the side-effect of your genius game plan, Wang Jackson.’  
The rapper gasped overdramatically, ‘excuse me? My plan works perfectly well.’  
‘If you didn’t cut me off from Mark’s SNS,’ the leader jutted his chin, ‘I wouldn’t have missed him so much that I – y’know.’  
‘Awww that’s cute,’ Youngjae cooed.  
‘Jackson-hyung, just let him stalk Mark-hyung again,’ Yugeom piped up from the driver seat, ‘otherwise Jaebum-hyung might die from blue balls.’  
Jackson rolled his eyes, ‘he came just an hour ago!’

Youngjae asked, ‘Jackson-hyung, when will we see Mark-hyung?’  
‘Is he coming to your birthday dinner?’ Yugyeom added.  
‘Yes,’ Jackson smiled widely, ‘he said he’ll come.’

That night, everyone seemed to be more hyper than usual. Jaebum knew it wasn’t because their frugal leader bought them an expensive set dinner, but because of the dinner to come.

 

‘Hi, I’m here to pick up a bracelet please.’

Mark tried not to giggle when the salesgirl’s eyes widened comically. She probably did not expect him to turn up in the store but Mark preferred to do his own chores if time allowed.

‘M-may I have your order number, Mr Tuan?’  
‘85262682.’  
‘Just a moment please.’

The girl, whose name tag read ‘Sana’, retrieved a box from the storage room. She double checked the order number before unwrapping the item for Mark’s examination, ‘here is your bracelet, sir. Yellow gold LOVE bracelet, size 17cm. Please check the engraved word which should spell — M-A-R-K-S-O — Oh god, Markson!’

‘Yeah, today is Jackson’s birthday,’ the model replied with a fond smile, ‘so I wanna give him something thoughtful.’  
‘That’s really sweet,’ Sana squealed, ‘I’m a big fan of you and Jackson! Since you guys debuted!’  
‘Thank you for supporting us.’  
‘Will you celebrate his birthday together?’  
‘Yes, with the rest of GOT too.’

It was oddly therapeutic watching Sana wrap the gift. She put the box right in the centre and creased the paper along the edges. Everything was done with prudence and precision. The model complimented her on the perfect ribbon bow.

‘Mark-oppa, please get more sleep. Your eyes look really red,’ Sana said while sending Mark off.  
‘They’ve been like that since yesterday,’ the model rubbed his eye wearily, ‘maybe the eye drop isn’t working.’  
‘Take care, oppa. Please come again soon!’  
‘Bye Sana.’

Mark checked his phone as soon as he stepped out of the store. He had contacted Jinyoung’s manager earlier to ask if he could pay a visit. He felt bad for his immaturity but he needed to see Jinyoung so badly.

His angst wouldn’t go away, even though Jinyoung had texted two days ago to apologise for the recent lack of texts and calls. His filming schedule was hellish because he had to finish his part before flying to Jakarta. He said he missed Mark very much.

Mark replied, for the first time, that he missed him too.

The older knew Jinyoung would understand the immensity of his words. He had told him numerous times that ‘miss’ was a strong word which should be taken seriously. Just like the word ‘love’.

_Even if I meet the little mermaid –_

‘Hey m’boy!’ a husky voice greeted, ‘sorry for not picking up earlier.’  
‘No problem, Joon-hyung. You’re a busy manager.’  
‘Luckily, Jinyoung is pretty easy to handle,’ Joon chuckled good-naturedly, ‘wassup?’  
‘I hope it’s not too much to ask but is it okay if I drop by to surprise Jinyoung? I won’t stay long, I promise.’  
‘Of course! Our supermodel is free?’  
‘Yeah, company meeting is cancelled.’  
‘Hey I gotta go. Call me when you get there!’

They met up at the staff entrance of the TV station. Although Joon kept saying he was not in a hurry, his rapid strides suggested otherwise. The model felt really guilty for imposing on the kind manager.

‘Don’t mind me, hyung,’ Mark reiterated.  
‘You sure?’ Joon looked conflicted, ‘Jinyoung will kill me if you’re kidnapped.’  
‘I’ll be fine. Just tell me the direction,’ the model assured with a smile.  
‘Alright, go to 5/F. Turn left from lift lobby. Second last room on the hallway.’  
‘Thanks so much, hyung!’

Mark didn’t understand why he felt as giddy as a high school kid skipping class to meet his boyfriend. The thought of seeing Jinyoung’s astonished beam made his heart race. He checked his appearance against the mirror in the lift. Everything looked alright except his red eyes.

The model was practically bouncing down the corridor until he heard some muffled noises. Not wanting to interrupt a makeout session in some dark corner, he kept his steps slow and quiet. The deeper into the hallway he walked, the clearer the whimpers were.

Now his heart raced for a completely different reason.

From the crack of the door, Mark could see Jinyoung snogging Shin Yeeun. He brushed her hair to one side, revealing her snowy, elongated neck. His other hand cradled her nape the way he used to hold his. She stood on her toes to meet Jinyoung’s hungry lips. Their bodies pressed together as he pulled her in for a deeper kiss. The couple did not part until Shin Yeeun gasped for oxygen.

Mark heard Jinyoung pant, ‘baby, I love you. Do you believe me now?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor boy, Mark has suffered too much in this fic. Imagine how he feels to witness Jinyoung’s betrayal…Why did Jinyoungie do that? Tell me what you think! 
> 
> (Chapter title from Hyunsik's 'Swimming')

**Author's Note:**

> The story is inspired by 'Face'. Particularly love the Chinese version as the lyrics are so nicely translated. I want to develop this story into a multi-chaptered fic which I have never attempted before as I'm not good at managing the dynamics of so many characters. Just a heads up, updates will probably be slow and irregular. But I will try my best!
> 
> Thanks for reading. Comments are very much appreciated.


End file.
